No one talks about it but having chronic illness and being responsible for someone twice your age will quickly deplete any zeal for life. I started seriously taking on responsibilities for this person in 2020 and because I never said anything it’s continued on into the present year. I’m literally happy this person is hospitalized (not because I want anything to happen them) but because I need a break. It’s been non-stop and when I ask for space or boundaries I’m met with slight anger because Dee down they need me to be involved. Right now they’re about to get out of the hospital and all I can think about is how it’s all going to resume: the stress, the nagging, their insomnia, their problems, pain etc
This person asked why I didn’t take my pills associated with my rheumatoid arthritis and lung disease well it’s because I knew they needed me. I couldn’t take medicine that suppresses my immune system and raises risk for infection because then they couldn’t do it all alone. Times like these I have far more clarity and understanding. The ship has passed and I’m sick of hearing I’m sorry. They haven’t endured any of the things I’ve endured over the past few years.
Before possible guilt trips start, I’m a people pleaser I’m not going to say much of anything at all. The person is related to me and I feel somewhat indebted to them because of all they’ve sacrificed for me, but I’m tired. All my life has been caregiving and I’ve never really been on my own before. I’ve realized that I’m sick and tired of all of this. When I say these things, they say they’ll go to a shelter, knowing I don’t want them there & not thinking about the fact of how a group home or shelter operates.
It’s all too much.
Edit 1: I’m expected to help so much while they sit down because they’re sick and I’m noticing it’s simply not feasible anymore. I’ve stood up before and dropped innuendos and they said all I wanted to do was go outside and have fun. Keep in mind I’ve never had any fun because I’m sick all of the time but I can never rest