Feeling like a failure at 26: Dealing with job anxiety and a resume gap
Hello everyone. I’d like to share some of my background and ask for some advice regarding my current situation.
This might be a long post, so I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
Background and Education
I am 26 years old. In 2023, I completed my Bachelor’s degree in Informatics. I have always been fascinated by compilers and that's why for my Bachelor’s thesis, I developed an interpreter in C++ using the book Crafting Interpreters and also had some other small projects in compilers from uni.
During the end of undergraduate studies, I started working at a large company as a backend developer. However, because the work wasn’t compiler-related, I struggled to stay motivated. My mindset at the time was, "this isn't compilers, its useless for my future career." I left that role after seven months.
Immediately after my Bachelor's, I started a Master’s in Computer Science. It was a 1.5-year program where students were expected to specialize. I chose compilers, specifically focusing on LLVM. I also did the master remotely because 3 months after I moved in Germany.
The Move to Germany and Health Struggles
So, three months after leaving my backend job, I moved to Germany to live with a relative. I secured a 6-month internship in compiler and performance engineering. It should have been my "dream job," but unfortunately, things did not go well.
My depression became very severe, to the point where I couldn't think clearly. I was trapped in a cycle of constant negative self-talk. Every piece of constructive feedback felt like proof that I was the "worst employee ever." I often found myself crying and was too afraid to ask questions for fear of sounding "stupid." This led to me delaying tasks, and by the first month, I was already convinced they wouldn't hire me full-time. Of course, they did not want me to continue with the them.
The good thing is that at that time I started talking again with my therapist and suggested me to see a psychiatrist, which I did ans diagnosed me with depression and anxiety. I started also medications which helped a lot. (i stopped the medications, of course with the doctor's approval too, and thankfully I don't feel that way again. At least not that severe)
The Master’s Thesis and Graduation
At that time, I planned to take a one-month break from my Master’s to recover, but that pause eventually extended to a year and a half. During that interval, I focused on other things, such as taking intensive German lessons (achieving B1) and starting new hobbies. I didn't do any programming or focusing in compilers and LLVM.
In general, the master was lonely. I had to do the program remotely, and I had to find all my materials and prepare presentations for LLVM entirely on my own. I didn’t feel like a "student," which I think is also one reason why it worsened my depression. Despite these hurdles, I finished my thesis in March 2026. My thesis involved creating an LLVM pass. I used AI tools to help me learn and work faster, as I was determined not to let my degree take a full three years. I finished in 2.5 years instead.
The Current Challenge
Since 2024, I haven't worked as a programmer. I recently applied for a Junior Compiler role that seemed perfect for me. I met all the requirements, but the interview—which was with the CEO—went horribly.
I wasn't well-prepared, and because I wear hearing aids, I struggled to hear him clearly through the laptop. I couldn't even explain my own thesis properly. This experience has left me feeling anxious, stressed and embarrassed, fearing I’ll never find a job in this field.
My Questions for the Community
The gap in my resume and my previous work experiences feel like failures to me. I also feel a sense of "imposter syndrome" because I used AI to assist with my thesis.
• I am currently working on personal projects and considering contributing to the LLVM project to build my confidence and prove my skills. Is this necessary?
• Are junior roles not meant for people who are there to be trained and learn on the job?
• Has anyone else felt this way or been through a similar "reset" in their career?
• Also, how do companies nowadays view AI in workplace? I mean, in tech. Like.. do they expect their employees to use AI for everything? do they expect the AI to write the code and the programmer to just check if it's correct? and do the debugging? I haven't worked in tech for almost 2 years so I really have now idea what have changed..
Also I know that now I'm considered a master graduate but still, this gap in my work experience it's bothering me so much and makes it difficult for me to feel confident on my skills.