Wanted her for ages but she's now in a poly relationship and they tease me for it.
After a full decade of rocky relationships, getting cheated on many times and dumped for reasons I still have no idea about, the one constant through the whole thing has been this one girl, we'll refer to her as Sam. Ever since, I developed feelings for her. Only reason I never said anything was because she had gotten away from a very abusive relationship after finding her boyfriend having an affair and we're both pretty clearly not over our pasts. We've known each other over long distance for about a decade.
But as of 6 months or so ago, I've learnt that Sam's now with a guy, we'll call Andy, who was already in a relationship with someone I'll call Janet, making it polygamy (though if I'm being honest, harem feels like a much better description.) I have no problem with these relationships, but this one particularly hurts me. Andy, while sometimes nice, I've learnt he can be very bigoted, has outwardly threatened both of his partners from mild inconvenience and has been extremely vulgar about what he'd do with them, ignoring every time I've asked to stop. (At one point mentioning how he'd impregnate one of them the moment he visits. Sometimes can't tell if he secretly knows and does it purely from spite or if he genuinely has no filter.) The thing that makes me question the motives too is before this was even a thing, Andy told me he would've picked Sam instead of the Janet if not for her old boyfriend. He's also made mention of potentially seeing other women, but would be devestated if they had romance with someone else. Neither girl have been well known for standing up for themselves either and while I don't doubt they could if they feel like they needed to, I just don't feel good about any of it. Professional help has been considered, but I'm barely scraping by financially as is.
We're all part of a long distance friendgroup and I have been trying to migrate to a different one cause how gross I feel around them. But I struggle to just abandon her like that. On top of all this, I'm not sure if my feelings are romantic, sexual or just trying to fill that void. It hurts and I don't know what to do.