Loving over here, fquing over there
I am specifically looking for comments on:
Have you had experience with yourself or your partners splitting up “intimacy” - which felt like part of identity - among different people?
TLDR
Here is what I mean by identity and intimacy:
It seems like my partner separates these two functions of intimacy and approaches them as different kinds of activities to be resourced from different places. Loving over here (w me) fucking over there (with them). These were both co-located with me, until recently.
Historically, I have considered both of them to be a central feature of how I show up in relationship.
Providing for the two of them together(the broad savannah of love making and the jagged peaks of intense fucking) form a key component of my self-image in relationship, and how I created safety in relationship.
The fact that my partner seems to be outsourcing “fucking“ to a different (new) partner who is by all observable measures significantly better at fucking than I am, has been very challenging.
I have been amply reassured that the continental savannah of my lovemaking is what creates the safe base in our relationship, and is the foundation of my partner’s long term relationship with me (there is a unspoken assumption that while the new fucking partner could develop into a full blown romantic relationship, that there does not seem to be much potential for that. It’s really about the intensely peak experience of fucking).
I simultaneously rejoice for my partner’s fucking luck, and have to find a new way to understand my own identity (as liver and fucker) and how I have created relational security through sex.
Have you had similar experiences?
Thank you.