u/InternalAnimator1957

I was in a neglectful relationship: both emotionnally and sexually. He would shut down during arguments and I would end up apologizing because of my tone. I would be the one carrying the relationship: always iniate to see each other, always fix the issues in our relationship, always try to communicate and understand him. He was not the worst, especially not in the beggining. He was patient and calm but he could not satisfy my needs in this relationship no matter how much I tried to communicate. He would consider every attempt of communication like I was criticizing him if my tone was not perfect. We were together for 2 years and the more time passed the more angry I got. I would never insult or scream but I would be pretty annoyed and obviously not happy. I felt lonely, not desired (lack of sex and getting rejected often when I would iniate) and misunderstood. Ofc the anger made him shut down even more until we had to break up because he could not be in a relationship according to him (that was after he abandonned me while my mother was in the hospital because he did not like my tone)I feel guilty because I feel like I pushed him away with the lashing out. I kept trying to communicate in a healthy way but it still wasn't enough. I felt so ugly and like a burden. It seemed as he did not want to see me as often as I wanted to see him (max 1-2 times a week for him and I would iniate this). I kept apologizing for my behavior since I was often moody towars the end but I just felt so angry and alone. I can't stop blaming myself for my anger towards the end... I do believe that I was a loving gf (cooking for him, caring for him, driving him when I could since he did not have a car) I tried giving him peace in this relationship but I was not at peace myself. How do I get rid of the guilt? Has anyone experienced this?