u/Internal-Space-4960

I am seven months sober after abusing high doses (50-60 mg) of adderall (non-adhd) every day and using weed every night for five years to sleep. I went into a 7 week psychosis at the end of September and have not been the same since. I don’t sleep. I’m hungry but it’s like my gut/ brain axis doesn’t communicate anymore. I don’t feel fullness signals. Nothing comes out. I can’t think. No brain fog. Just complete absence of cognition, ability to plan, initiate, or act. I have zero emotions. Not numbness. Not depression/ anxiety. Nothing. I can’t cry. My face can’t smile. It’s like the muscles have changed. I lost my personality. Lost my teaching job. Losing my kids and family. Facing homelessness. I’ve been to the psych ward three times since September with no improvement. I think because I literally never let my body crash in five years I really messed up my brain. I’m an idiot for combining the two substances. When I got on adderall (sought it out 😣) I had no idea that combining stimulants and marijuana was extremely risky. … Now all I can do is eat, vape, and talk about my brain. I feel like I’m in purgatory. I have yet to find one person who has experienced anything like this. Are there non-ADHD users here? Anyone else crazy like me to take adderall plus weed every single day for years? My life is ruined.