My wife found what I've been hiding for quite sometime. Porn left right on my phone. She's crushed. I had my addiction handled for 15 years. It came back about a year ago when my business had been slowing. I was great at covering it up until I fucked up.
As for my justification, I felt my wife was not giving me what I needed so I would just take what I wanted for myself. Our sex life was once a week on Saturday, if for some reason we could not, too bad that was that. Our sex is amazing in some ways, and shitty in others. She has to be asked for any type of sex towards me, touching BJ's, everything has to be asked for, it's never her just going for it. I service her like no other, plenty of foreplay, then penetration and then more foreplay, we'd go for about 2 hours or more. But when we skipped a week or 2 I felt hurt, I felt rejected. I felt vindicated to do what I needed to curb my lust.
I would and and will not not physically cheat on my wife So there your go fully compartmentalized, I was good to go. I'm now know I hypersexualized. I masterbated at least twice a day. This included porn and fantasy 50/50 split. I have a horrible time objectifying women in my day to day activities.
So here we are today. I've done SAA meetings, I'm seeing a Sex addiction therapist and listening to Betrayal podcasts and marriage podcasts. I really don't want to lose my wife.
She's the best thing thing that has ever happened to me. We had a great life together and I had to ruin it with my selfishness. Right now she's getting therapy too for what I've done as well as her past things she's never dealt with. My hope is we come out of this stronger and stay together forever. The hardest part is she has a huge boundary rightfully so. I can peck her cheek, rub her sore back, ask for hugs (she'll let me hug her). I miss her touch, I miss her, I miss us.