u/Intelligent-Slide556

I had a meeting with a psychologist, and after talking to her, it made me realize that I have been people-pleasing and fawning all my life, because expressing my wishes and desires was either ridiculed, punished or downplayed (the classical "I had it worse" answers).

This spilled over to my adult life, where instead of saying "No" and doing what I think is good for me, I lost all my sense of self and became a doormat. Being afraid of conflict, being disliked or being (verbally) attacked, I started fawning as a defense mechanism, whether with my co-workers, clients or even my roommate (from whom I moved out finally a few days ago, as he was starting to yell at me at night for "moving around in bed" as in how you turn left or right when you're trying to fall asleep - he was controlling every inch of my life and was denying myself my own basic existence).

I realized that no matter how much I please people, I will never please them enough, and they'll come for more and find things they'll be disappointed in me. I also realized that it's OK if people dislike me or even hate me and my basic needs, as this just wheats out the people incompatible with me in life. And if there are little to no left, then this is still better than trying to be that good boy and pleasing others.

But after 28 years of being a people-pleaser, fawning, and all that brainwashing, how can I stop being one and become the asshole I truly am so to speak? I can't allow myself to fall into similar situations like that with my roommate again, I'm still young, I still can meet such people in other situations in life.

I had a meeting with a psychologist, and after talking to her, it made me realize that I have been people-pleasing and fawning all my life, because expressing my wishes and desires was either ridiculed, punished or downplayed (the classical "I had it worse" answers).

This spilled over to my adult life, where instead of saying "No" and doing what I think is good for me, I lost all my sense of self and became a doormat. Being afraid of conflict, being disliked or being (verbally) attacked, I started fawning as a defense mechanism, whether with my co-workers, clients or even my roommate (from whom I moved out finally a few days ago, as he was starting to yell at me at night for "moving around in bed" as in how you turn left or right when you're trying to fall asleep - he was controlling every inch of my life and was denying myself my own basic existence).

I realized that no matter how much I please people, I will never please them enough, and they'll come for more and find things they'll be disappointed in me. I also realized that it's OK if people dislike me or even hate me and my basic needs, as this just wheats out the people incompatible with me in life. And if there are little to no left, then this is still better than trying to be that good boy and pleasing others.

But after 28 years of being a people-pleaser, fawning, and all that brainwashing, how can I stop being one and become the asshole I truly am so to speak? I can't allow myself to fall into similar situations like that with my roommate again, I'm still young, I still can meet such people in other situations in life.

They really said the same thing independently from each other. I did not tell the second urologist I visited that I already went to another one before. The second one even used ultrasound on my penis to confirm the smegma theory.

Both said stretching won't work as the hardened smegma is just blocking the foreskin, and I need at least a partial circumcision.

I am anti-circumcision and just sad that both said the same thing and didn't get me steroid cream prescribed. But there could be indeed smegma build up there.

Any ways to clean up hardened smegma naturally, if you have stage 4 phimosis and can't pull the foreskin back at all? I can open the opening of the foreskin wide enough to have water flow in, but I guess that's not enough if the smegma got rock solid?

Also any ways how to desensitize the glans? I tried lidocaine spray but the glans is still too painful to touch (I retracted the foreskin as much as I could so I am speaking of only the tip of the glans exposed).

I just don't understand why. The foreskin got numb, but not the glans (I pulled back as much as I could, stage 4 phimosis, and also applied the spray on the glans).

Any ideas why?