u/InimitableTiefling

Hey Aces of Reddit! Throwing myself back out into the dating arena after several years of intense work on myself and my career.

What I'm Looking For:

I'm 26 and a cis woman, open to monogamy, age range 24-30.

Located in CT, would prefer someone local, but I am open to mild long-distance within New England (ME, NH, VT, MA, RI) or even NYC thanks to the magic of trains.

I identify as biromantic and demisexual (pretty sex-repulsed until we reach emotional/intellectual intimacy, and even then, I have strong boundaries around what I am/am not willing to do). I need significant non-sexual physical intimacy in a relationship to feel secure.

Strong aesthetic preference for masculinity/androgyny (I prefer clean shaven, body type matters very little, but I prefer you to be at least a smidge taller than me, at 5'5").

Looking for an iconic friends-to-lovers arc (forget slow, my pace is downright glacial). The end goal would be marriage, but I am not interested in pregnancy, children, or being a mother in the traditional sense. I would consider fostering teenagers or being a host family to international exchange students, though! I just cannot with kids younger than 14.

My last serious relationship ended over five years ago. I've had two situ-ace-tionships since then, but those were a hot mess (there was significant questioning and stringing me along involved). All three of these impactful romantic connections were with other ace-spec people. I haven't yet met an allo person who's made me feel safe enough to reach any level of meaningful romantic intimacy. Because I'm highly independent, I'd much rather be single than with the wrong person.

What I Look Like:

• 5'5"
• Curvy and Squishy (on the smaller end of plus size).
• Thick, straight brown hair. Medium length. Right now it's at my collarbone but I'm willing to let it get as long as my bust before I am ready to cut it again.
• Hazel eyes.
• White, both sides of the family ancestry trace back to Europe, but the Italian genetics came out swinging with what some might call legendary natural eyebrows.
• I usually don't wear makeup. At all. For a night out I might do it because it's fun, but I hate how it feels, so those occasions will be infrequent at best.

More About My Personality/Fun Facts/Hobbies:

I consider myself a nerd, an intellectual, and very career-driven. I work in higher education at a university and I'm starting a master's program in two weeks, so I'll definitely be tied to CT for a few years.

I am VERY physically affectionate with loved ones. I'm a hugger, and I've learned in past relationships that I need my partner to be equally excited about non-sexual intimacy. Huge yes to cuddling (I prefer to be little spoon), hugs, kissing, playing with hair, back traces, and sometimes, I might ask you to just straight up lay on top of me like a human weighted blanket.

I have ADHD and am a little all over the place, but very capable of intense focus, follow-through, and keeping to routines with the strong support systems I've built for myself. I'm in the process of figuring out if there's also Autism in the picture.

I need someone who can keep pace with my mile-a-minute brain. Intelligence matters to me. Your brain is the hottest muscle you can flex. Please discuss books, shows, podcasts, music...really all forms of media with me. Seeking a match to my energy who has active listening skills and will respond in kind with their own special interest or hyperfixation when I'm done popping off about one of mine.

I'm a huge proponent of therapy. I want my partner to also see a therapist or at the very least demonstrate commitment to growing as a person and addressing their issues instead of running from them.

I am super heat sensitive so I don't love the summer, but I come alive in fall and winter and do love outside activities like hiking and picnics when the weather's below 70 degrees.

I have a very sweet but anxious emotional support cat (I suspect she is a tortie/tabby mix, so she has the 'tude, and frankly, I ask myself every day who's supporting whom). She is the closest I will ever get to maternal instinct. Since adopting her 3.5 years ago, I cannot imagine ever going back to a home that doesn't have at least one cat waiting for me. That said, I grew up with a big dog and considered myself a dog person before this silly creature crawled into my heart and started making biscuits there. If you're allergic...sorry. Tough it out, medicate, or choose someone else. Fiona has tenure!!

Left-leaning. Somewhere between establishment democrat and radical socialist. Big hater of the orange fascist in the White House. I am the rainbow sheep in a conservative extended family, but there will be no pressure for you to take ANY part in that. Figuring out how to maintain relationships with them despite our political differences has required a LOT of therapy.

VERY AGNOSTIC (Catholic extended family). You can believe whatever you want, but I won't take any part in it unless you ask me to. If it's important to you that your partner eventually aligns to your belief system/converts, that's not a dealbreaker, but it's not a decision I'd make rashly. There would have to be a lot of research and education involved about what that would mean for me, because I have never been religious.

I can be a little spiritual woo-woo sometimes though, mostly for fun. Capricorn Sun, Pisces Moon, Cancer Rising. I read my friends' tarot every New Year's.

Alcohol is a migraine trigger for me, so I mostly avoid it, but I'm totally fine with others imbibing in my presence and will occasionally partake. No interest in smoking. Never have, never will. Have never tried edibles but would not be opposed (only with the safest, most trusted company).

Enneagram Type 2w3, INFJ, and Ravenclaw (but fuck you JKR).

I'm a recovering people pleaser who has finally achieved a secure attachment style after years of pretty bad anxious attachment.

I majored in Creative Writing and Theater in college. I'm highly creative, but also practical about the economic reality of the world we live in. I like to live a comfortable life with nice things and splurges, so I grind hard to make that happen for myself. I'd expect the same out of my partner.

I've been really into yoga lately, would love someone who's open to joining me for class!

I love cooking/baking and will share lots of yummy things. Doing my dishes as thanks is akin to a marriage proposal, so act accordingly.

I play D&D and if you play too (or at least open to trying it), I'd be the happiest girl alive.

I like the occasional cozy video game like Stardew Valley but beyond the initial hyperfixation I don't often gravitate to games to relax.

Phew. That was a lot. If you made it to the end and I haven't spooked you into the woods yet, I'd be delighted if you sent me a message!!

You can call me K for now! Once I am reasonably certain you're not an axe murderer (or a mischievous fae), I'll share my name and a few pics.

So here’s my deal. Within the last few years, I’ve developed a severe sensitive skin situation. I’ve gone pretty much fragrance free on everything from Naturium Sensitive Skin Body Wash to Vanicream Lotion and Moisturizer. The only thing I haven’t found a solution for? Deodorant/Antiperspirant.

I used to be able to wear Dove, Secret, Old Spice. All with fragrance. All without issue. I’ve tried Native, Lume—they still give me a reaction.

So I naturally made the switch to unscented. Vanicream worked for me for awhile, but eventually my body got used to it and my BO would overpower it within the span of a 50 minute yoga class.

So I switched to Almay Gel. One of the most highly recommended brands on here for sensitive skin. Three days after I started it, I noticed that my armpits were itching even more than usual. When I looked in the mirror I was horrified by the red ring around both armpits. It burned my skin and took weeks to repair. Wasn’t able to wear a bra comfortably or any kind of deodorant for A WEEK. The skin is still discolored—a darker shade than my pale skin tone.

Finally, I settled on Ban Unscented. Ban has really worked for me for the last few months, but just like with Vanicream, I’m finding myself in the same situation where my body overpowers it within a short workout. Once my BO breaks through, no amount of reapplication seems to help.

I’m at a complete loss here. It would make me feel better to hear if anybody else has gone through this and what they recommend (other than patch testing, which is looking more and more likely to end up on my to-do list this summer). Ugh.