u/Informal_Wrongdoer96

Demonic attacks in old house from the 1900's. So many questions...

I am looking for advice on how to put up protective boundaries and clear my energy and my body from what happened to me last summer. To preface this, I know people might assume mental health issues caused delusions, but I have moved into a new place now and all of these spiritual attacks have stopped. 

Last summer, I saved up and moved into a beautiful apartment in a multi-unit building built in the early 1900s. (I live in Northern Utah).It had plenty of natural light from the windows, with a mulberry tree right outside my window. I picked berries every day last summer. When I moved in, I thought the place was absolutely stunning and pretty quiet. I really liked it and it was close to work. It was a cute studio apt all to myself. 

Then, every time I opened my closet door, I got a creepy feeling. I knew the building was old and I am sensitive to spirits anyways and can sense their presence. I didn't think much of it and kept going about my days. 

Well, there was an old and creepy ironing board that was attached to the wall and when I opened it up, it seemed like something jumped out at me. And the ironing board really smelled very bad. I sprayed perfume on it and put it back. 

One day, in the shower, I saw a face appear in the steam. It really freaked me out and I started showering with my eyes closed from then on. It seemed like each day, things kept getting worse and worse. I would hear loud footsteps behind me when I would leave my building. When I brought another sensitive girl over, she said something was touching her feet. They would frequently touch my feet too but they left the men alone. 

At this point, I called in reinforcements by having my friend who is a psychic medium come over. She said there was a portal that a bunch of people opened in the house that made it act like a superhighway for spirits to come in whenever they wanted. She said it would be very hard for me to close this portal on my own and recommended that I leave immediately. Obviously it is hard to break a lease when you just signed a few months ago. It was at this point when I was begging her over the phone to let me out of my lease and she did but kept my security deposit. An expensive mistake of mine. I figured out the downstairs neighbor across the hall from me was experiencing the exact same things that I was but he just put up with it. These entities would rattle the dishes in my sink and his sink. He would capture pictures of these things and show me. It was honestly the craziest thing. I would have never believed it if I hadn't been through it myself.

These things seemed to only attack me and my neighbor, but nobody else in the house. Why us vs everyone else? It's weird to only target certain people. I do have past trauma and was trying to heal from a lot which makes me believe I am more susceptible to these attacks.

At this point, I had been smudging with sage and palo santo, putting salt all over the floors, put up crosses everywhere, said prayers, I brought in the catholic priest and he put holy water everywhere. I slept with holy water on my pillows and I sprinkled it around me. I made a selenite grid in my 4 corners of the place. I washed all of my walls with Florida water. The selenite and the priest were the only things to really help and the protection really only lasted for 1 night. 

Someone at the metaphysical store told me to just say "I don't care" and stop being fearful. I tried that and I said I didn't care and one of them immediately scratched my leg...not to where it left a mark, but it felt aggressive. This thing wasn't just being playful. I could tell it was not happy with me being there. 

It was getting really bad because they started rattling the dishes in my sink at or around 3 am, waking me up every single night to the point where I was waking up at this time and could not go back to sleep. I would yell at them to stop and they would not. It felt very chaotic at 3 am and it would feel like a couple was having a drunken bar fight in my room at 3 am every night. 

I actually remember my body floating above itself in the middle of the night and it felt euphoric and I actually did this a few years prior at a haunted hotel in Hawaii but that was the only other time it has happened to me. I have read that this is called astral projection...not sure if that's true or not.

The last straw for me was when something was outside of my 2nd story window. I saw a white face and it literally looked like someone put a sheet over their head and they climbed up a ladder to scare me at 3 am, but who would do that?? It was awful. The thing in my room started curling my fingers into my hands and pulling on my feet at the same time and I have absolutely no idea why something would want to do that to me. It started happening every night. 

I started talking with coworkers about it because I was so tired that I could not function at work and some of my coworkers did not believe me. I eventually found a woman who seemed to be on my level with this stuff and she recommended I go to her friends' house that were called Spiritists. It is a Brazilian type of Christianity where they are able to communicate with the deceased. They were familiar with my type of issue, and essentially did an exorcism to try to speak with this guy who was essentially sharing my body with me. I remember seeing a very ugly, bloody face in my mind's eye and it really really scared me. I was at the point where I was losing my job and so depressed that I could barely function or do anything. They were able to talk with him and it did not get better until I left that awful place and actually moved into my car. I eventually lost my job over this bs and it was not a fun experience. I am doing much better now. I moved into a brand new building. No issues with any of that, thank God. 

I was also very scared they would follow me into my car and they, thankfully did not do that. 

I know I have trauma from this experience, from people not believing me, and from the experience causing me to lose my job. I have nightmares about it still. I still have questions...why me? Why do spirits only attach to certain people? What kinds of ghosts were these? (I knew there were multiple). Why the footsteps following me? Why would they touch my feet? Why cause my hands and feet to move at night by themselves? And how do I prevent these things from happening to me again? Why would anyone want to open up a giant portal for spirits to travel through, when that's an awful idea? Why is Utah such a popular place where these things happen? How can old houses hold onto these things? How can I protect myself when I go outside now? How is astral projection even a thing, and is that what I did?

I go to places to get free food now and these dark energies attach to certain people who are not doing very well and I can feel it and I still get scared from it. I can't think about going through that again. I need to protect myself and nothing that anyone recommended would help in that awful house for more than 1 night. The only thing I could do was leave the place. 

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u/Informal_Wrongdoer96 — 3 days ago
▲ 6 r/BPDrecovery+1 crossposts

Feeling really burned out and don't know what to do

Hi everyone, I am kind of at my wit's end and not sure what to do. I do start therapy again tomorrow which is a plus. Honestly everything in my life is going great right now but I have so much trauma from my past that some days, I think I might self sabotage everything at once. I went to treatment last year and found out I had BPD for the first time in my mid thirties. I saw treatment notes that had been sent over from other clinics and one of them said 'possible bpd' but nobody bothered to mention it to me so I could try to work on it in my late 20s, which made me feel betrayed. I have been doing DBT therapy on and off since I found out and I have worked on my depression but I think I am going through an episode of it again now. 

My background is that I grew up in an emotionally abusive household and my dad left when I was really young. Finances were always low and I developed extreme saving habits to try to cope with the poverty. I do pretty well for myself financially now but I really struggle with keeping a job. I have always been much better at school vs working. I was diagnosed with cPTSD, OCD, depression, and now BPD. I recently went on a GLP-1 and it is helping tremendously with urges to overeat and overdo a lot of other things in my life. I think it is my saving grace right now. 

[Trigger warning]

I am trying to cope with my past of having 3 r*pists that haunt me til this day. I went to the police about one of them and they said they would not take my case seriously since I willingly went home with him in the first place. Another one who is in my current city is going to be married soon and I feel responsible. I did tell one of his friends and he is supposed to talk with him soon. I feel like I should go to the police with my case and see if they do anything with it. I wouldn't want anything to happen to his fiance because I didn't do anything about it. 

Today, I bedrotted nearly all day. My house is a mess, car is a mess. I am training at a new job and I like everyone and everyone likes me but there is someone who is very loud there and gets everyone else riled up, which is fine but I really struggle with the noise level even with headphones and earplugs at the same time. I get overstimulated and then tired and when I get home, I don't have the mental space for socializing or chores, so stuff piles up until the weekend. I haven't seen my friends in almost 2 months. I tried to just endure it one day and I went home and bedrotted the rest of the day.

I am also going on a trip to my childhood home where all of my trauma occurred and I am cleaning out my room and saying goodbye to one of my family members who contributed to my abuse, who is passing away. 

On top of that, my partner is going through some stuff which is contributing to the lack of my s** life and I think we have mismatched drives which has made things worse for me and it's getting increasingly difficult for me to cope with everything. I have brought it up before but I am waiting until they get through this tough season to try to address it again. I deeply care about them and I want us both to be happy. 

I am trying to calm my thoughts of wanting to kms and sometimes it becomes too much, like today. 

Thanks for listening. 

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u/Informal_Wrongdoer96 — 3 days ago