I need to have a little vent and I guess some advice and validation in what I’m feeling. I’ve spoke to my friends and they just think he’s an arsehole I should stop having sex with but it feels so much more complex.
I (26F) have had an on again off again sexual relationship with this guy (28M) that has been going on for years. For me a sexual relationship is still a relationship so I like to communicate but he doesn’t, he deflects or ignores. I’ve had two successful sexual relationships in the past that have naturally came to an end that were consistent and I felt respected in (with no romantic feelings - just like this one). With those partners the communication was clear on both ends so I know how I’m communicating isn’t out of the norm for a good sexual relationship because being able to express your emotions is super important for everyone involved.
He’s more dominant and has a kink for using someone, which I find really hot - when it’s done properly. We’ve had really good sexual experiences in the past with this kink at play and I’ve honestly found it playful and sexually explorative for me as I just know I really enjoy sex with a dominant man, having me how he likes is really hot, but when I feel my pleasure is being completely ignored or I receive no praise I feel disrespected and just like a hole to him but I feel when I communicate this he just thinks I’m trying to argue, which I’m not I just think we’d have even hotter sex if both our pleasure was being met.
Our most recent sexual encounter has left me feeling icky and actually just a bit sad and deflated (especially as it’s my first time having sex after a dry spell). I started giving him oral sex while he was using a dildo on me but I mentioned multiple times I felt he was skipping foreplay, cut to moments later he puts me into doggy and then it’s over before it’s began. I did communicate after when we were laid together that I felt we could have done better and he just asked why I was complaining which left me feeling dismissed. The thing is, it being quick isn’t my issue at all, it’s that I think my pleasure was completely skipped and actually I was left thinking “did you even enjoy that?” because it felt so just lacking of any intimacy, he could have literally fucked a glory hole and got the same result. I have since messaged him saying I really wasn’t happy with how it went but knowing him this message will probably be ignored and to be honest I kinda just feel bummed about it.
I genuinely don’t know what to do because the time before this one was the best sex we’ve ever had and I think because of our good sexual history and just wanting to feel desired I find it difficult to cut this relationship off. He’s good at talking the talk and usually performing but this time was just not good and I’m genuinely conflicted at what I should do next. Again I am an over communicator and he is the polar opposite so I don’t even think a conversation can be had but I don’t want to be leaving the door open to feel disrespected like that again.