Just not sure what I want or want to do anymore.
Last year my husband(26m) had came to me(27f) and told me about his affair with a coworker, it was the first and only time he’s cheated throughout our whole relationship. I had my suspicions but I mean who wants to think that about their partner right?? Out of guilt he told me, I never once brought it up or questioned him even with my suspicions. I’m a SAHM, we were having a rough year, ppd really got to me and he was working long hours(overnights) and we were both just miserable. But ofc instead of talking to each other he confided in someone else. Anyways.. he told me and ofc I was sooo hurt and upset, he broke it off with AP and i told him he either quits his job or im leaving with our 2yr old etc. idk I remember that night but also it’s kind of a blur. He quit his job right then and there, cut off contact with AP, even when she would try to reach out afterwards he would show me the messages(he would never respond) and then delete and block. She would message from different numbers so that’s how she would always be able to message again until it stopped. He wanted to try to make things work and by him telling me everything and quitting his job with no hesitation and cutting off contact I thought, okay I guess we can try(we’ve been together 10yrs, married for 2 at the time) he wasn’t hiding anything anymore he would tell me everything and now a year later he still is actually trying.. but some days idk, some days I feel like I should’ve just left and other days I feel like we’re starting to move forward even with my bad days.. and tbh sometimes I feel like I might just be scared to be alone/single mom and that’s what’s keeping me with him, but again I have days where I see he’s trying and I feel like we can be okay. He’s such a great father to our child, and he’s been good and patient with me through this entire healing process(as he should), but it’s just always in the back of my mind. I just don’t know, today has just been kind of an off day for me and I would just like some support.. also sorry for the long post, if you’ve made it to the end, thank you for reading.