I (28M) need advice regarding lying of gf (29F)
I(28M) need some advice. I’m incredibly in love with my girlfriend (29F), but something happened.
Me and my current girlfriend met in a small town on a beach in Brazil, a few weeks before Rio carnival. We had an amazing connection that night, we talked and flirted for hours, and ended up sleeping with each other. As we were both still traveling for a few weeks and were headed for the same direction, we decided to see each other again during the rest of our trip. We started texting and kept flirting through text. A few days later, we saw each other again an afternoon at a different island with each others’ friends, all was okay. We decided to go for a drink later that night. First I went for a beer with my friends, and I was going to join her after. I texted her I was going for a beer first and would join a bit later. She replied kind of annoyed, but still okay. In the end I lost track of time, and I arrived only hours later than was first scheduled in the bar. When I arrive at that place, she was already gone. I saw her friends there, who told me she already left. I went partying. The next day, she texted me she was really disappointed I didn’t arrive on time. I only realised later that for her it was way more like a date, while me I saw it more as a casual drink before going to party. She was very annoyed with me through text the day after, we met up later that night to talk. I apologised, explained I lost track of time but didn’t mean it in a bad way, she explained she was really hurt and felt like I left her alone. I told her I was thinking about her a lot, we kissed, and decided to still see each other during Rio carnival.
I left the day after to Rio, where I was honestly thinking only about her the first days. She stayed at the other island place a few more days. Finally after some days we met up in Rio, but it was messy, hard to meet up, in the end we were able to spend some time and see each other. We slept together again. After, she asked me if I slept with someone else since we met. I was surprised, because of course I didn’t, I was thinking about her. I told her there was some random flirting and kissing with girls during carnival, but I never went further than that. She told me that a week before, that night I didn’t come to the bar, she went home with another guy, and they had sex. I was kind of shocked that she was able to do it that fast with a new guy, after us flirting and talking about this mutual connection we felt the first night. She explained she felt rejected by me and was looking for confidence, she thought she would never see me again because I didn’t show up. In the end we didn’t owe each other anything at that time, so I reacted calm, but still surprised. She told me that during the rest and during the whole Rio carnival nothing happened with other guys. We moved on, managed to further build this connection, and traveled the rest of our trip together for some weeks. When we returned home, we didn’t want to let this go, so we managed to start a long distance relationship. We are together for over a year now, all is amazing, I love this girl, she’s awesome, I never felt this type of love before.
Now, the part where I need advice for.
I asked her about that beginning period multiple times, we were always very open about the people we had been with the days/weeks before, as we were both single on a trip. She never hid something for me, we always talked about it open.
A few months in the relation, she showed me something on her phone and I accidentally saw a picture of her kissing a guy in Rio carnival. I confronted her, she explained it was a joke kiss for the picture, nothing more than that happened. I was annoyed as she told me she didn’t do anything during Rio carnival, but whatever, it’s carnival, we were not exclusive, no big deal. We move on.
But I kept having a weird feeling she was not fully transparent. I asked her a few times about that time period trying to know fully what happened these days before/after we met. She tells me multiple times the guy from that night I left her on the beach she told me about was the only other one.
In the end I saw the insta of that guy she kissed in Rio a few weeks later. I ask her who is that, she tells me, it’s the guy I kissed at Rio carnival as a joke, but her face turned pale, and I know my gf, I felt she was lying. I had a weird gut feeling and made a bad call that night, I decided to sneak through her phone. First time I ever do that, won’t do it again, not proud of it. I find a short chat history with that guy during and before the Rio week, where they speak very friendly with each other. I confront her that night, she explains to me again nothing more happened than just that kiss. I kept having a weird feeling, and a few days after I told her I need full honesty in this relationship, and that if something happened, it was before me and I have no right to be angry about it, but I just need to know as we’re now together.
There she finally confessed. Turns out, a few nights after we had that talk on the beach where I apologised, and we kind of told we liked each other and were very interested in each other, she met that guy, they partied with a group of friends, drunk, she ended up going with him to a beach where they started kissing, they undressed, he put on a condom, they started having sex for a few seconds after which she pushed him off because she says her body rejected and she became sober from the feeling, realising she didn’t want it and was thinking of our talk some days before. This was during we were texting and flirting.
I feel betrayed. I feel it’s horrible she was able to do that some nights after we had that talk. And lie about it after, telling nothing more happened. I get it was during a trip, we were both still figuring out our feelings towards each other, and officially not exclusive yet, and could not predict we would become a serious couple. But for a full year she hid that for me. She finally confessed because I kept pushing and telling her I need to know the full truth. She told me she was stuck in her lie, when she told me there was only that other guy of the night I bailed on her, she saw my reaction was kind of hurt/surprised and didn’t have the courage to tell about the other one some days later. I make myself crazy imagining that night. I need to stop thinking about it.
I realise it’s not cheating, but the whole shadiness around this, with lying for a whole year during a serious relation, not coming clean from herself, it’s really bothering me.
What do I do?
TL;DR: girlfriend had sex with two other guys week after meeting me and was not fully honest about it, I find out one year in the relationship. What to do.