I have been through DV for years, went through a lot (verbal and physical abuse). I entered that relationship very young, and I used to be THE super confident social butterfly (to the point that almost all of my friends would tease me about "knowing eveyone" and "having no social anxiety". Lately, I've been looking back at memories of my old self and I was so shocked. I have been such a dead doormat for years now that I just couldn't believe what I used to be like. I have lost almost all my "aura" and I get extremely anxious whenever I have to meet people or talk to them (family, friends, work... basically anyone). Even talking to a cashier at a restaurant makes me anxious. And it doesn't help that I sound weak and unsure of myself whenever I speak...
I also noticed my body posture is not great, as I tend to round my shoulders most of the time. That makes me look even more pathetic. The worst thing is, I know I'm attractive and people often compliment me, and I guess that should help me with my confidence, but I don't know why, it just doesn't seem to work. Something broke inside me and I don't know how to fix that. If anyone knows, please help. I want to be the confident bombshell I used to be.
P.S: I don't want to go to therapy because I know I will look super pathetic and weak, and I'm just not mentally ready yet for that level of vulnerability. Any other advice would be really appreciated.