u/ImpossibleRisk4958

I just want to start by saying im currently 28 years old and my ocd was set off by the birth of my 2nd baby. I have never had ocd a day in my life until I gave birth to him. It started as basic health ocd which I pushed off and told myself once the hormones go away it will get better. Im currently 5 month post partum and this horrible type of ocd started... for my own children. Every single time an image pops into my head it immediately makes me vomit and sends me into a panic attack spiral. Im actually here on this thread right now because im having an absolute meltdown. I am absolutely disgusted by my brains ability to put these kinds of images in my head when I would go to prison for murder if someone else ever did my own thoughts to my children. I reached out to multiple therapists and quite frankly ill take whoever can get me in first. As of now I just keep telling myself I am a good mom, these thoughts are not who I am, I can get help for these thoughts that are not my own. I keep trying to cheer myself up by saying what are the odds that someone with a psych degree would end up having the problems of their major... sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt. I will take any advice you have until I can get into a therapist. The word disgusted doesn't even do it justice.