I (M, 25) have been dating my girlfriend (F, 25) for 4 months. I've known her for 2 years on and off. I’m trying to decide whether to stay or leave because I feel constant anxiety and can’t find peace.
Background / timeline:
- Last year (June–Sept), while we were seeing each other, she was going out a lot, using drugs, and had sexual interactions with other guys (kissing/oral). I didn’t know at the time. She now says she regrets it. This was not the girl I had met 2 years ago.
- She’s had a 2-year connection with a man who has money/status. He sent her explicit photos in the past. She says it was “just friendly,” but she kept contact while with me, hid it (used a nickname), and only blocked him after I found out. Then again, he kept telling her it sucks how she "doesn't give him what he wants".
- There have been other instances of lying or minimizing (e.g., about porn use).
- When I bring up concerns, she often becomes defensive or suggests breaking up, which shuts down the conversation.
Current situation:
- She says she will be fully honest going forward and has cut off that guy. (Her ex said she was cheating too, because he saw messages being received from that guy I mentioned earlier. Not sure which messages these were - all I've seen is two mirror pics he sent and normal pics she sent.
- Despite that, I feel hypervigilant: I overthink, check things, and only feel calm when I get “proof.” My head is constantly running. I have her real time location, I check her phone regularly - then again, everything can be deleted.
What I want:
- A relationship with trust, consistency, and openness.
Questions:
- Given this pattern, is rebuilding trust realistic, or am I trying to force something that’s broken?
- If I give it one last chance, what clear boundaries and timeline would be reasonable?
- How do I know when it’s time to walk away?
I’m open to honest feedback.
u/ImpossibleQuantity73 — 9 days ago