Well, I fucked up horribly today as the title says. I’m gonna start this off by saying that this has been an ongoing thing with me, and I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I met this friend back in November of 2025, and I instantly latched onto her as if she was a person that I’ve always wished to meet. Didn’t like her in a romantic way or anything, it was all platonic. We started chatting all the time because we both live in the same sober living house, and it all kinda just I guess became the thing to do since it felt like chatting made time go by a little quicker for me. Fast forward a month ahead, and all of a sudden we start arguing for petty reasons. I’ll be honest, I started almost all of them and I’m not too sure what really gave me the idea to start something over something as little as being left on read, or being looked at wrong. these arguments kept going and going over and over again. I’ll be real the arguments weren’t as bad as today’s argument. I went off. Not in person, but over text. This argument started off when she wanted to vent to me about her problems, and a week before that she had said I bug way too much, and I took that personally like some sorta child or something which gave me the bright idea to tell her that I didn’t really care about her issues since she had said that. I don’t know why I took it so personal, especially when I’d be supportive every time she wanted to vent, and it was kinda mirrored because she’d be supportive when I wanted to vent. The next day, which was earlier today I had texted her and she ignored me, so that gave me yet another shitty idea and I told her “you’ll really ignore me, but you’ll say I bug a lot and then vent to me about your issues” to which she responded with “now you’re just being rude as fuck, go jack off or something and stop texting me.” Then she blocked me so that got me to text her off another number asking for some of my belongings back because I was butthurt as if I just didn’t say some messed up things to her. These belongings being a pair of AirPods, and some other things. She didn’t want to give them back, to which I proceeded to start cussing her out, calling her names like “you’re a b**** and you’re a fu***ng hoe, give me my stuff back that’s all I want” she then told me to take it up with the house manager because at that point she said I was harassing her, and I kept texting her about my stuff in which she said that if I kept asking for my belongings back, she’d tell her case manager, and the house manager. I’m not too sure if this is an attempt at blackmailing, but nonetheless I shouldn’t have even contacted her after the fact that she blocked me. Well she ends up trying to break my belongings, and since she had told her case manager, and eventually the house manager she was told to return the items to me, but we cannot contact each other through text or in person. I gotta be a little more clear, but I was completely in the wrong, and by her responses to my bullsh** her case manager ruled it out as both of our sides being pretty bad. Then probation comes over, and pulls me to the side to tell me to stop contacting her, and texting her in which I’m going to do, because regardless of what she had told me, I was the one that messed up, and I messed up horribly. I don’t know what to do anymore because it seems like somewhere in my friendships I end up starting bs for no reason. I’ve been getting therapy for about a year, but it isn’t helping much. Today I fucked up.
TL;DR
I got into another argument with a friend at my sober living housing, in which this one was horrible with me going off for petty reasoning. Law enforcement got involved, and I can’t contact her ever again. I fucked up.
I need help so I don’t continue this behavior in future friendships, and relationships.