u/Impossible-School-85

In January I attempted suicide. My friend found me and pulled me out of the car. I was transported to the local ER that I was a nurse at. A colleague went to the local bar and told everyone that I was in the ER and what had happened. When I came back from leave it was awful. There were comments about “I’m a nurse I should know how to SI myself” “I shouldn’t be allowed near patients”. I was treated horribly. It’s now been five months and kinda the same thing. I have lost my best friend because “I’m not empathic enough” to her. Despite me constantly drowning in my own thoughts. I’ve felt other friends distance themselves. I have fully dove into work. Working 60+ hours to just prevent myself for being alone in my thoughts. I finally went out with some coworkers and I was told the next day people were saying how I should be out in that scene. I’m too mentally unstable to be invited. I shouldn’t have been invited. I’m not asking for a poor me or please feel bad for me writing this post. I’m just so confused. Is this normal? I feel like my life is 10x worst after surviving an SI attempt that I didn’t want to survive! I feel like this is the exact opposite of how I should be feeling.