u/Impossible-Put8002 — reddlx

How do you find the strength to do what you know you need to do?

Yesterday was my husbands birthday. This is the third birthday that he’s hurt me. He used to never leave visible marks because we lived near my family. Now we live far away and it’s the worst it’s ever been

This morning my daughter had her swim lesson. Usually I always take her. She’s never even been in the car with him by herself. I had to watch her scream for momma as he took her with him. I couldn’t go because I have a gash in my lip and bruising around my eye

Maybe posting this is an act of defiance. Or a first step of finally admitting what’s going on, even if it’s to a bunch of strangers on Reddit

I know what I need to do. I have a plan. I just feel too weak to go through with it. For me it seems like as the abuse goes on and gets worse, I get quieter and smaller. I just disappear more and more. The first few times he grabbed me I was angry. I was packing bags and leaving. And now i just think to myself “how do I prevent this today”

How do you find the strength and courage to follow through with your plan and leave?

u/Impossible-Put8002 — 1 day ago

▲ 31 r/abusiverelationships

Today was his birthday

Today was my husbands birthday. Third year in a row he’s hurt me on his birthday

I used to think abuse looked chaotic or crazy. But for me it’s just really, really quiet. Cleaning faster, talking softer, not making any noise when he hits me because I don’t want my daughter to hear

I think the craziest part is how normal your body starts acting during it. I used to flinch and cry and beg. Now my body has taught itself how to stay calm, stay quiet, clean myself up fast and keep it moving like nothing happened

One day I’ll post in here that I’m free

u/Impossible-Put8002 — 2 days ago

▲ 1 r/confession

I went to the store for gum and a drink. Simple enough. Except I didn’t want to go home. So I stalled and wandered the aisles.

I ended up in the candy section. Obviously.

I stood there for way longer than I should have. Reading the nutritional facts of a KitKat. Just looking, not even deciding. And then without even really thinking about it I slipped a chocolate bar in my pants.

I walked to the front to pay for the gum and the drink while the wrapper of the chocolate bar scratched against my hip. The check out guy was talking to me about how some areas around here might not have any water for a few days. I nodded like a very concerned citizen. I made eye contact and said that’s terrible.

He handed me my receipt and I almost wanted him to say something. I was so curious. What would he do? What’s the protocol there? I’m sure not much would have happened. I probably would have just paid for it and said sorry. It definitely would have delayed going home by at least 3 minutes.

He didn’t say anything. I smiled and walked out. While I was walking to my car I passed a homeless guy. I gave him the chocolate bar.

I got home and my husband greeted me, without looking up from his laptop of course, and asked “what took so long?” I told him that the first store didn’t have the gum that he liked and then I kissed him on the cheek.

reddit.com

u/Impossible-Put8002 — 16 days ago