u/Impossible-Net-1169

Sorry I do not know where to post this. I (23MtF as in was M before 18) believe I might somehow have been sexually abused by my Mom but I am not fully sure if that's even possible. Starting around age 4 my mom would frequently accuse me of looking at her "lustfully". Sometimes even saying that I was "sick for thinking of my own mother that way" this was at a very young age like 5 or 6. These accusations were to me seemingly unprompted. When I was spanked she would sometimes say things a long the lines of "you misbehaved because you wanted your mother to spank you. you like it. your perverted". I was not allowed to shower, bath, or dress without the door open and her frequently coming in to make sure i was "actually cleaning myself" until I was around 10-11. After my 11th birthday we moved for the first time since I was young into a new house without my dad. Around that time I also started getting erections. On more than one occasion my brought up to me that she was noticing my growth and my erections and said that she "might need to look at it from time to time just to make sure everything okay because there can be issue" for around a year at that same time she would sometimes wake me in the beginning or end of the night and ask me to come sleep in her room with her because she was "scared" or sad and unable to sleep. On a few occasions she was just in her underwear she would often spoon me when i sleep in her room which i feel is not normal for a mother to do with her 11 year old son. She was also overly invested in my love life and development later on in a way which i always found very uncomfortable. I don't really know where this actually sits, if theres something I can't remember, or if this is just me making something out of weird behavoir thats not related but I need someone to tell where this stands I feel insane. I told a therapist about all this once and he said he really doubted that there was any sexual intent I dont exactly understand the motivations behind this behavoir