January 29, 2026
I’m sorry for my part in how our relationship is now. I wish it could be different but I’m also so tired of being fucking sad. I know you’re going to move on. But for me I feel like my whole future has fallen out from under me. How can I still be friends with you and see you knowing the entire time what I could have had? I know I need to let you go now. We were never meant for each other. You were just my hard lesson. In a way I will always have love for you and that doesn’t make me sad. Take care and I hope you accomplish everything you ever want.
February 20, 2026
I wish I had the words to describe to you how horrible it feels to be rejected by the person that you love over and over again. I've made myself so impossibly small to fit into your little box. You have been completely unreliable and made me feel so insecure in our relationship but then punished me when I broke and couldn't hold myself together. I forgave you for every little slight. Every cancelled plan. Every time you ghosted and blocked my calls and text messages. You moved to a different house and didn't think I was worth telling. You just stopped answering my calls with your bullshit excuse of being overwhelmed and stressed when I've literally always been there for you in any way that you needed. I poured everything I had into you. Physically and mentally emptied myself for you while you just took with both hands without giving me anything. I feel like I won't ever be the same personal again from before I met you. And I want to be the same so badly. I don't want to feel how awful I feel. I would do anything to get away from it. I still love you so much and I feel so ashamed. Ashamed of myself for the disrespect I give myself and take from you. I gave you everything while you just threw me away when you decided things were to much. But that didn't stop you from taking. Asking for me to buy you things. Asking to borrow money and then never reaching out again. Taking my medication without a second thought. I was so fucking desperate to make things work with you. Did you ever thank me? Did you ever appreciate any of the things I've done. And yet the thought of feeling like I've let you down makes me cry. It hurts me to let you down. And so I don't. But then I would have to live with the constant let down of who you are. I don't think you are a bad person. I just think you don't know how not to hurt people. But you are 34 fucking years old. Your past no longer gives you the excuse to do shitty things and absolve yourself of any wrong doing. One day your daughter is going to care about someone like you. She will be in the same position you've put me in for three years. You will get to watch her while she cries herself to sleep. You will get to tell her that she doesn't deserve this from someone that she loves so much. You will get to hold her while she tells herself that she still wasn't good enough even after she gave him every piece of herself that she had. You get to watch your child fade into someone a little more empty and a little more broken. I will never hate you but if I could change one thing it would be that. I hope you can find a way to fulfill yourself with out taking it from the people that care about you. I want you to be better for someone and experience the love and loyalty with someone that you got from me. And I hope you make her feel so happy. I will forever wish that I would have been the one to make a change in you. Any change. I think even now I would still drop everything if you were in trouble and needed something. Even though I know you think you need no one.
Anyways. I just want you to know that I will think of you often. And I know one day it won't make me feel like I'm suffocating. That I can go to bed without laying awake crying until I fall asleep. Take care of yourself because I will always love you and I will always wish for your success and happiness. Even if I will never be part of it or know you anymore.
March 5, 2026
I really miss you today even though I’m so angry with you. I’ve been keeping it together better and pretending I’m okay. But then this morning my sadness just feels so oppressive. When is it going to end? I can’t reach out to you and you won’t reach out to me. You’ve hurt me worse than anyone ever has so why do I still feel so sad. Thinking about never seeing you again or talking to you again makes me feel like I can’t breathe. I just want all of this to stop.
April 22, 2026
You know how people say your life flashes before your eyes when you die. I think that happens when a relationship ends too. Maybe it’s just because you feel like you’re dying. I feel like I’m dying. I see the good moments and the bad moments. What could I have done to hold us together. I thought I showed you so many reasons to stay? How could they have possibly been out weighed by things that made you go. And now I just sit here night after night. Feeling like my heart will just stop. Like I’ll just stop breathing. How do you come back from this. How will I ever be the me before you? How am I suppose to reconcile the fact that I’m never going to speak to someone I love so much. You’re just gone. You’re never going to laugh at me again. Smile. Nothing. Four months and I still can’t take a full breath. How am I suppose to move on with someone else when I feel like I’ll always belong to you.