ive been absent for three weeks because i don’t think i should exist
i read the rules like twenty times so hopefully it’s not against them, also sorry if this doesnt make much sense and has poor grammar, i tried to edit all the mistakes out but hurt my head not a while ago. just in general what should i do, i’m not sure where else to go with this
im a freshman and the entire second semester i have had terrible attendance, and now ive been absent for three weeks from school because i don’t think i should exist
i dont think i deserve to show my face anywhere, i dont think i deserve to talk to anyone, and ive just been staring at nothing most of the time barely sleeping or eating because i dont think i deserve it. every second i think about just not existing and thoughts that i should just slam my head into the wall or do other things, and i find myself getting more and more convinced. i always thought id never do that but i don’t know anymore. also ive been remembering bad things that happened to me and sometimes i can’t move because of it.
i cant stop hitting myself in the head, missed all my state tests, doing summer school, and i dont know what to do never failed before and its all because im stupid and cant exist when im supposed to be this smart person. and i quit my sport when i started getting like this
i dont know if i need help or anything or to just get over myself or what i get too nervous with helplines because i dont want to waste it when someone needs it more im supposed to be the only okay kid because my siblings all need it more than i do so what i say gets forgotten sometimes.
i dont know what i should do