I started seeing this guy about a month ago, and he’s honestly been very different from other men I’ve dated. He’s patient, thoughtful, and emotionally present. He didn’t even try to kiss me until the fifth date, and we still haven’t been physically intimate. We’ve had really deep conversations, and he comes across as reflective, kind, and a good listener. He’s close with his family and seems to treat both them and his employees well.
All of that made me feel really safe and connected to him.
Recently, I looked up his name on Google for the first time, and I found a mugshot with two charges listed: domestic battery by strangulation and battery (touch or strike). I was completely overwhelmed. I ended up requesting the court documents, and from what I can tell, he took a plea deal and is currently on probation for a year
This completely contradicts the person I feel like I’ve gotten to know, which made it even more confusing.
i brought it up to him, and he said he had been wanting to tell me but didn’t know how or when to bring it up. He shared his version of the story, which overlapped in some ways with the report, but also differed.
He told me that at the time, he and his then-wife were in a difficult place and had taken space from each other. He was staying at his mom’s, but had come back to the apartment. While they were in the car together, he saw a message from another man pop up on her phone. When he asked about it, she told him she had met someone at the gym and was planning to see him since their relationship wasn’t working.
He said he got upset and started packing his things to leave, and that she became emotional, was pushing him, hitting him, and trying to stop him from leaving. He said at most he pushed her off of him a few times to create space, and that things escalated verbally. He said she ultimately called the police, and he was arrested.
In the police report, though, it says something different—that he tried to take her phone, hit her, and put his hands on her neck for several seconds, along with visible injuries including redness on her neck and other marks.
When I asked him about the reported injuries, he said he didn’t know how to explain that and that he didn’t see her after he was arrested. He said he didn’t do what was described. He also said the case went on for months due to lack of clear evidence, and that his lawyer encouraged him to take a plea deal to avoid a longer process. He mentioned that friends had screenshots of her out that same night, posting photos where they didn’t notice visible injuries, and he believes some of what was reported may not have been accurate.
At the end of it, he accepted a plea deal (no contest) and received one year of probation.
I’m honestly not sure what to believe. It’s hard to reconcile the person I’ve experienced with what’s documented, and I feel really conflicted trying to make sense of it all.