Melinda Wang
what is wrong with me
my life just completely changed, i lost connection with the girl i've liked for 9 years she's super mean to me and she called me out for lying which was true because i wanted to impress her and show that I was doing well, the whole time she just got into wharton and I'm redoing grade 11 in some random school in vic, I have IB exams tommorow but I'm obessing over the fact that I will never talk to the girl which i couldn't stop thinking about swimming together going to the same elementray school middle school and high school scattered from gr 3,4,5, 8,9 it's so weird how she ended up so much better then me, but now i have to focus on my studies and get rich as the only way i can get close to her is having a base salary of 185k, also I started smoking stop caring about my grades and obssesing over uni, i really loved her although we never were in a relationship and she knew that I liked she never recioporcrated when i text her she wouldn't care how i feel, she now got into dartmouth, always had better grades, althetlic, looks and personality to me, and she was right i'm not beleivable and full of lies just trying to impress her for no reason, this is so stupid i can't even focus on my exams, I still don't even know if i liked the idea of her, the image of her i created in my mind or that I actually needed her teh person, we were never close, everyday i thnk about imporving to be better then her because i like her, i need to be in the league but looking back i haven't changed at all, everything i've done is pointless. I know she talks shit behind my back to the friends i used to have, or at least thats what is happening in my head, everytime i say something she catches that it's a lie which is crazy. i can't even think straight. I need my life to be sucesfull so i get another shot with her, or i can run away completely although i know i'm never truly going to forget her and its something that hurts me because i know we never even had a real conneciton, my heart is full of regret and i know it's gonna keep happening to me, i'm 18 now btw, she's also the only girl i've ever liked and i don't even understand it