u/Important-Farmer7168

Hey everyone,
I’ve been in a very ambiguous and emotionally draining situation with my SP for over two years. It’s been constant hot-and-cold behavior. I know I’ve been stuck focusing on the old story a lot, because even though I was trying to live in the state that the relationship was already manifested, staying in constant contact (seeing each other, talking) would always pull me out of that state. I’ve been bouncing between the two states for a long time.
I’ve often thought that it would be easier for me to have zero contact with him so I could stay stable in the state of “I am chosen, I am prioritized, I am loved, and we are already in a relationship.” The thing is, over time we’ve built a really beautiful and pure connection. We’ve grown together, supported each other in many ways, and it feels very special.
But after so long in this situation, I’ve also realized it’s not good for me anymore. Yesterday he told me again that right now he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone because he wants to focus on his career and professional life. That left me feeling lost again.
This morning I first sent him a message saying I didn’t really want us to be apart. But then I felt bad again and realized that what I truly need is space. So I sent a second message telling him I need absolute distance. He got really angry, which makes sense because it’s a lot to process.
Now I’m feeling a mix of relief (because I finally set a clear boundary and I know I can’t keep tolerating this ambiguous, painful dynamic) and deep guilt and sadness (“Did I just ruin everything? Did I fuck up the beautiful connection we had? Was I too harsh?”).
I know deep down that setting this boundary feels aligned with what I want — a stable relationship, not more limbo. But at the same time I keep wondering if I did something wrong, if I should have waited, or if I destroyed something special by being direct.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did setting a firm boundary eventually help the manifestation, or did it push the person away for good? How do you balance holding your boundary while still staying in the desired state?
I’m really overthinking this and would love some honest insight or similar stories.
Thank you ❤️