tldr : my close friend hasnt been herself due to burn out and increasingly unsupportive parents (she is a lesbian and hasn’t come out to them) and despite the fact that she knows she’s emotionally congested is reluctant to unpacking any of it because she feels like she both doesn’t have the time and doesn’t know where to start. Im becoming more concerned but don’t know where to help.
I dunno if this is the right sub Reddit to ask about this bcz I don’t really come on here much but I need some advice. I have a friend that I’ve known since we were 14 (I’m 17 and she 16 now) and I consider her one of my best friends. Lately she hasn’t been herself. I know it’s a mix of the end of the school year exams and having been so busy with the spring musical coming to an end as well as some stuff at home. she’s just obviously so burnt out. She’s usually so excitable and energetic but she hasn’t seemed anything like her usual self in months now. Instead of happily chatting with me and our friends in the morning she just lays down and tries to sleep on the courtyard ground. She has grown a little distant and is so busy and overwhelmed with school we haven’t hung out in nearly two months outside of school. Her mom is extremely emotionally shut off and I feel like it’s influenced my friend’s emotional habits in bad ways. She’s acknowledged to me before that she is emotionally unable now because of how little her family talks about mental health and emotions in general in a joking way but I’m actually starting to worry about it.
For background info she is a lesbian (as well as me and the majority of our friends) and her family is extremely homophobic and she is not out to them. the only one who isn’t entirely homophobic anymore is her brother who she thinks may be queer as well. Recently her brother got into huge trouble with their parents because they found out he wore a small bit of makeup to prom. Which I think has discouraged her a bit more about her own situation With her queerness.
During events for things like choir concerts I have to hide in the backstage until her family has left after shows so that they don’t see me in a suit and interrogate her on who she hangs out with. She makes jokes about it but I can tell her lack of support is weighing on her. I notice somber looks when she sees me and my family openly talk about my own queer relationships. Her family is very well off but she isn’t very close with any of them. She goes on a lot of trips with her family although she really just seems like she wants to relax.
I don’t really know what to do because I’ve always been available for her to talk and so has my own parents who support her too but the more I think of it I don’t think she’s actually ever been truly vulnerable with me or many people for that matter. I don’t think that’s because we don’t have that kind of relationship, we do it’s just that she has been so detached from her negative emotions that she is just avoiding unpacking them all together for the sake of convenience saying she doesn’t have the time to (her words).
I guess I just need some advice as to how I can help her, I really just miss seeing her excited but she hasn’t been enthusiastic about anything in months. she seems to be aware that she is emotionally congested and hurting but is avoident to doing anything about it, however I’m concerned this might pile up and I don’t know how to help while also understanding that right now while she’s busy she probably doesn’t have the time to unpack. Advice?