to start this off, I am diagnosed with ocd, depression, and gender dysphoria. I feel like these could be the source of my current issues, but maybe not.
basically, whenever I'm alone in my home, I get scared that there's someone/something inside the house. it doesn't help that the house is relatively old, so the pipes often clank. this results in me afraid to leave the bathroom, my bedroom, etc. this also occurs during the night. I also often feel like my life isn't real or people around me are not actually them.
additionally, I'm terrified of mirrors. I hate having to be near them because I'm afraid I'll see someone/something in the reflection behind me or that I'll have a different face. this is not limited to mirrors, but anything even remotely reflective such as windows, tvs, etc.
I also see shadows out of the corner of my eye and feel as though there is someone/something behind me almost constantly at night/when I am home alone. This leads to me being scared of dark rooms, since shadow figures could be hiding. I often stand in corners so that nothing can sneak up behind me.
I'm also quite anxious. I'm terrified that my family members are going to die any time that I'm not near them, and I'm terrified that they'll die in their sleep. I dont have panic/anxiety attacks, but I feel like I'm constantly 1 step below it.
This also exacerbates my OCD. I constantly pray, both to thank God every time I have any joy and to plead Him to keep me safe. this post took a long time to write, because I was convinced that I would die if I didn't backspace the entire word when I made a typo.
one of the things that makes this worse is a dream that I had recently. it was normal, except it ended with me seeing a reflection of a figure in my crashed laptop screen. I then woke up into another dream. after I woke up from that, I was scared that I was still in a dream. I'm still not convinced that I'm awake.
this could be caused by the fact that I'm chronically physically ill, and rarely leave the house. I am on medications that change constantly, because of the horrible negative side effects I get from prescription medication. I rarely interact with anyone in person other than my family.
does this sound like a really bad combination of ocd, gender dysphoria, and depression? or could it be more than that? I don't expect anyone to diagnose me with anything, but I want to know how my experiences Compare to others'. Thank you.