I've tried reading books, exposure therapy, and going to counseling/therapy and I've seen a little bit of help but overall nothing's really changed. Therapy in particular has been very disappointing, it's expensive, I haven't received that much advice or help from it, like whenever I talk about my social skills they always say be interested or curious in the other person. This only takes you so far and isn't helpful when you're not interested in the other person or what they have to say.
Does anyone have anything to suggestions?? Maybe a certain type of therapy (e.g. cognitive behavioral therapy?), a book that's helped them, a type of help group, an online class (like charisma university), anything??
To elaborate a bit about me I think a lot of my shyness and social anxiety stem from poor conversation skills. I've always struggled talking to people and I've never been good with my words. There's a few specific things I'd like help with if that's possible.
- how to approach people. Like how do I approach a group of people, especially a group that's already in conversation. I used to play soccer and this was always something I struggled with. I'd go to join a group of people and either end up on the outside of the group not included, I'd be in the group but have nothing to say so I just stand there awkwardly, or I'd try to say something but still feel isolated (like even when I did manage to say something witty or relevant I still didn't make friends, no one would talk to me afterwards).
- How to leave a conversation. There's been times when I've had a valid reason to leave which has always helped, and I know some people say to just excuse yourself to the bathroom but I don't think that always works. What do I do if I don't have a reason but I want to leave any advice?
- I also really struggle finding things to talk about. Like I typically use small talk like 'how was your weekend' and one of the tips I got from a book was to have a good answer yourself (because they'll likely say good, busy, etc but when they asked me back how was my weekend I would have a good answer). But after that the conversation would always die, how do people keep finding things to say? Like I'll talk with some people and it feels like they never run out of things to say.
- I'd also love to get better at speaking/words like I'm not very coherent with my words (as you've probably picked up from reading this) or speaking about things. Like I recently went to Japan for a holiday and when my coworkers asked me about it my answer sucked and I made it sound like the most boring holiday.
- I feel like it could help to have a hobby that I can talk about. So I like gaming but I hate talking about it as I get so embarrassed by it but I also don't do much else with my free time. I worked with this lady who started a veggie garden in her back yard, and every day/week she always had something interesting to say about her garden. Would finding a hobby to talk about potentially help?
- Side question but how on earth am I to meet/charm a women. I would love the chance to be in a relationship with a women who I can truly love and who would truly love me back. I refuse to go clubbing though, it's so overrated but where else can I even meet women? How do I approach or initiate without coming across as creepy. If I do land a date what else can I do other then coffee for a first date?
I know I wrote a lot but any and all advice is greatly appreciated.