We always had arguments because I would get upset about plans not going right or according to how I planned it originally. An example is we went away for a weekend trip with her family and I was expecting to sleep on air bed, fine, but it turn out we were in the basement of the house and ansolutely freezing, I got no sleep and had bad leg cramps the next day. (I also have a back problem already so this doesn't help). Then the plan was for her parents to drive us back but it turns out we were also driving more people back and I am then stuck in the back seat where there is NO leg room. I was stuck like this for 3 and a half hour. Because of the lack of sleep and leg cramps and back pain, I was a mess after the car journey and was in pain and was shouting things at her blaming her for my pain. She always think I am over reacting about my pain and always think that I shouldn't be angry or rude in these situations.
There are so many times where she has put me in these bad situations and then when I react to them because I have autism and my back pain, now I am the bad guy for shouting and being rude. But she has not considered any of the factors which has pushed me to my limits.
Another time we went for another short weekend trip and becuase we haven't seen each other for a few weeks, I was hoping that we can be more intimate and some time to ourselves. And basically because there was like a menigitis outbreak in the uk, she refused to kiss me even after I followed all the rules she has asked for, such as putting on a mask on the train, not sharing food with friends at uni. When I hugged her, she turned her face away from me. I felt like an alien that day and when I told her how I felt, she starts crying and said that I only focus on the bad things and not the good things such as how gorgeous the view is... Am I expecting too much, a little intimacy from her after 3-4 weeks?
Over this bank holiday weekend, because we won't see each other for another 6 weeks, I was hoping to do something that we both enjoy doing such as baking a cake together, playing a murder mystery game or making a dessert together. I was also hoping to forage some wild garlic as well but she needed to drive an hour and a half to get there and so she didn't want to do that so what she did instead was to drive to woodlands we saw online that had it that is around us. But we didn't know where it was and how to find them, and in the end we couldn't find any. Although we spent some great time in the woods and walking her dog, I wanted to at least complete one thing off my list. But on sunday she had to do some chores for her family and we also then continued driving around woodlands to find the wild garlic so we wasted another day. I am giving up my 3-day-weekend as a phd student for her to be running around doing chores for her family while I am there? She argues that it was still a nice time and we had great conversations and time in the woodland looking at the herbs at a garden centre, but these aren't what I want to do!!? She thinks I am looking at things so negatively all the time and ruining the overall experience but she hasn't thought about what exactly is nice for me to do? I have told her this so many times I don't need to go anywhere, I just wanted her to plan the time effectively so I can do what I want to do with her! Is that too much to ask for?
You can have someone buying you thousands of roses every day but actually your favourite flowers are violets and you told them before, but they keep on buying you roses, are you suppose to compromise and just accept it because "it is still a nice thing that they are doing for you?"
I just want her to do one thing with me correctly and completed, that is all I want. Everytime I go to her house, she always has to do something, walking the dog, watering plants, something and I am always roped into it. I don't mind doing these things but can you at least prioritise what I want to do because my time is more limited?
Her argument here is that she doesn't care about the wild garlic and she had drove around to look for them with me so she has done her part but I just think it was a waste of time because with the time we spent looking for the wild garlic and walking around aimlessly, you could have already drove me to the place that is an hour and a half away got them and then still had the whole afternoon free.
I enjoy the time we spent with each other but she can't understand the fact that we haven't actually finish anything on my list and she thinks I am just focusing on the negative things and not enjoyed our time together this weekend. I am not focused on the negative things, I just want one thing completed why is that so hard to understand?
TL;DR gf thinks I am just negative all the time and not see the good time we spend together, I just want to complete one thing off my lists because I am busy af.