Another underwhelming birthday
It’s my (31f) birthday on Monday, and my husband (35m) will be doing absolutely nothing - again.
We’ve been together for 12 years, married for 2, and have lived together most of that time.
My birthday is a big deal to me - I love birthdays. I go all out for him and our kids every year, even when we were poor and had no money I would make him a homemade ice cream cake and iou notes for both ‘stuff’ and quality time.
He has never once done anything special for my birthday, even when explicitly asked. Most years I have to buy, or make, my own cake, buy myself flowers and if he DOES ask me what I want for a gift, I have to give him specifics - which takes all the surprise out of it (what I enjoy about gift giving).
There was one year we went to a restaurant because he had a gift card but on the ride there he said “well I just don’t know what we’ll talk about. We only have the kids to talk about and other than that, we have nothing in common”.
I was sick and tired of asking for recognition so this year I said nothing. My birthday is on Monday and he hasn’t brought it up once. I went and bought myself flowers today and I’ve planned a nice meal and dessert to make myself. Im trying to come at it from the perspective of “my own happiness is my responsibility” but honestly Im so hurt. I’ve cried a few times over it. I don’t know if I’m asking too much or if he’s the issue. I just wish he wanted to spoil me the same way I spoil him (and everyone).
First time posting! I hope I followed all the rules :)
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**TL;DR;** : my husband never plans anything for my birthday, this year is no exception. I have made it clear that it is important to me and I would like him to plan something (anything) for me. He never delivers and I don’t know if I’m asking too much or if it’s a red flag.