Hey, I'm back, want some more thoughts
My previous post was about AI assisted writing, I wanted a general answer to a generalized question so I wasn't entirely honest about my novel. But this question requires me to be more honest so I'm going to explain a bit more in depth about my novel.
My novel has two volumes each with around 55 to 60 chapters and a third volume that has 17 chapters.
My volume one was written around 3 years ago solely by me with absolutely no outside help.
However during Volume 2 I started working with an editor on the volume one. And while working with that editor I tried to learn from their habits and things that they did that I liked when they were fixing or enhancing some of my work. I fed all of that into volume two.
During volume 3 I have been leaning on AI to assist me in the same way that I was using my editor. This is because I cannot currently afford to pay my editor. I do however plan to eventually work with them again when I can.
Anyways this comes to my question. I exported both my volume one and volume two as epubs and handed them to chatgpt and asked its thoughts on the overall composition. Mostly just because I wanted to know what would happen.
I generally ignore all the flowery words and compliments as they're not relevant to what I asked it. Just a quirk of the engine.
But basically, it told me that volume 1 is decent, struggling from pacing issues, and a generalized staged feeling coming from alot of the story beats feeling forced or led on.
For volume 2 it said that the overall story is more complete, feeling more connected and less staged. Better prose with improved character descriptors and emotional indicators slipped between dialogue in a more natural way.
I agree with both of these already in how I felt and it's the main reason I started working with an editor on volume one. But it also mentioned that the recent passages I've shared with it have been even better than volume 2, but didn't really give explanation or example on that. I also don't really know if it's talking about the 2500 words I give it, or if it included is own work that it's done on those chapters. . .
I just want to know people's generalized opinion on whether anything it said is even remotely trustable? As I'm not really even sure what parameters it's decided quality under lol.
Below is the direct conscripts of both responses.
First off, this already feels far more ambitious than most early web-serial fantasy projects. There’s a very clear sense that the author isn’t just improvising scene-to-scene — the world, factions, mythology, and long-term arcs all feel planned. That immediately separates it from a lot of amateur fantasy serials.
A few things stood out strongly:
## What’s Working Really Well
### The atmosphere and tone
The author is very good at creating a “heavy” fantasy atmosphere. The opening chapters especially have that dark-fantasy/light-novel hybrid feel where everything feels slightly theatrical and ominous.
A major antagonist’s early introduction works especially well because the story doesn’t just tell the reader they’re intimidating. The environment reacts to them. Small details like fire trembling or a room growing quieter create genuine presence.
The early villain scenes also immediately establish:
* hierarchy,
* ideological conflict,
* personalities,
* and future plot threads
without feeling like pure exposition.
One of the more chaotic antagonists especially has immediate scene presence and tends to dominate interactions whenever they appear.
---
### Character identity through dialogue
This is probably the author’s strongest technical skill right now.
Characters generally sound distinct from each other.
That’s difficult to do consistently.
The more calculating characters sound controlled and predatory.
Others sound exhausted, manipulative, playful, unstable, or pragmatic depending on their role.
A lot of amateur fantasy falls into “everyone speaks with the author’s voice,” but this series usually avoids that problem.
The author also does something smart:
characters often imply information instead of directly stating it.
Lines about inheritance, corruption, or replacement frequently reveal:
* family conflict,
* political tension,
* emotional resentment,
* and future betrayal
without stopping the story to explain everything outright.
That’s a strong instinct as a writer.
---
### The long-term hooks are genuinely compelling
Even from Volume 1, the story already feels like it’s moving toward:
* fate vs free will,
* cyclical tragedy,
* corruption of heroism,
* identity,
* inherited roles,
* and political/religious manipulation.
That’s substantially more layered than standard “adventurer guild fantasy.”
The recurring thematic idea that certain roles or destinies always repeat gives the story a strong backbone that could easily support a long-running series.
---
## The Biggest Weakness Right Now
### Over-description during introductions
The author sometimes pauses momentum to fully describe clothing, body language, objects, posture, lighting, and symbolism all at once.
The imagery itself is usually good — the issue is pacing density.
Scenes occasionally stop too long to fully render every visual detail before moving forward again.
The result:
the reader admires the prose, but the momentum briefly freezes.
This has already improved compared to many similar web novels, but tightening descriptions by around 20–30% would make scenes hit harder emotionally.
A useful rule:
describe the most emotionally important details first.
The unnatural calm, symbolic accessories, dangerous eyes, or environmental reactions tend to matter far more than exact fabric details.
---
## Another Important Improvement Area
### Repetition in sentence structure
There’s a recurring cadence in emotional scenes:
“Character performs action. Expression changes. Emotional explanation follows.”
Or:
“Pause. Look away. Slight reaction.”
This creates a rhythm that occasionally becomes noticeable over long reading sessions.
The newer sections already show improvement here. Dialogue overlaps more naturally with physical movement and environmental interaction, which helps scenes feel more alive.
---
## The Biggest Hidden Strength
### The author understands “mythic framing”
A lot of writers can write scenes.
Very few can make a world feel like it has legendary momentum.
This series naturally frames characters as though they’re tied to:
* prophecy,
* history,
* symbols,
* inherited burdens,
* and repeating cycles.
That gives the story identity.
The title itself works because the writing actually supports that kind of thematic weight.
---
## One Recommendation Going Forward
As the series grows longer, the biggest challenge will probably become:
### controlling exposition density
Because the worldbuilding is genuinely deep.
The danger is overwhelming readers before they emotionally attach to the cast.
The strongest moments are usually the personal ones:
* emotional conflict,
* manipulation,
* strained relationships,
* identity struggles,
* and moments of tension between characters.
The lore works best when tied directly to emotional consequences.
---
## Overall Impression
The series already writes above the average dark fantasy web serial in:
* atmosphere,
* thematic ambition,
* character distinction,
* and narrative planning.
Where it still feels early-career is mostly:
* pacing control,
* trimming prose,
* and occasionally over-explaining visuals.
But those are fixable technical issues.
The harder thing — creating a world and story that feel emotionally and mythically compelling — is already there.
And honestly, the strongest sign is that the newer writing is noticeably better than the earliest material.
That means the author’s skill curve is actively climbing, which is exactly what you want in a long-running fantasy series.
Volume 2 is noticeably stronger than Volume 1.
Not just “more polished.”
It feels more confident.
Volume 1 felt like:
“Here is this world and these characters.”
Volume 2 feels more like:
“This story knows exactly what it wants to be.”
That’s a huge transition for a long-running fantasy series.
# The Biggest Improvement
## Character interaction flow
This is the clearest leap.
In Volume 1, scenes sometimes felt:
* sequential,
* slightly staged,
* or like characters were waiting their turn to speak.
In Volume 2, conversations feel far more alive.
Characters interrupt more.
Emotions overlap.
Physical actions happen during dialogue instead of before or after it.
That alone dramatically improves readability.
The author also became much better at:
* subtext,
* emotional contradiction,
* and tension inside dialogue.
The protagonist especially becomes far more layered here.
They no longer feel defined by a single emotional trait.
Instead they become:
* defensive,
* emotionally unstable,
* vulnerable,
* prideful,
* self-destructive,
* and occasionally frightening.
That complexity makes them substantially more memorable.
---
# Pacing improved significantly
Volume 1 occasionally paused too long for:
* visual description,
* lore,
* atmosphere setup,
* or internal narration.
Volume 2 still keeps the atmospheric style, but scenes move faster.
The author became much better at:
* letting readers infer information,
* entering scenes later,
* and leaving scenes earlier.
That’s an underrated storytelling skill.
---
# The emotional tone is stronger
Volume 2 has much better emotional continuity.
In Volume 1:
characters could experience something major, then emotionally “reset” slightly too quickly because the plot needed to continue moving.
In Volume 2:
emotional consequences linger much longer.
Characters carry previous scenes with them emotionally.
That makes the world feel more believable.
---
# Background storytelling improved a lot
There’s almost always:
* the immediate scene,
* the emotional conflict underneath it,
* and a larger political or mythic movement behind both.
Scenes often begin casually, allow tension to quietly build beneath the surface, then eventually erupt emotionally or politically later.
That layered structure is much stronger than the more direct storytelling style from Volume 1.
---
# The antagonists are much stronger here
Volume 1 had strong villain concepts.
Volume 2 makes them feel genuinely dangerous.
Manipulation becomes subtler.
Motivations feel more believable.
Schemes begin overlapping naturally.
The more politically manipulative antagonists benefit enormously from this change.
They feel less like “fantasy villains” and more like intelligent people actively shaping events behind the scenes.
---
# The prose is improving in the correct direction
This is important:
the author is not becoming more generic while improving.
A lot of writers polish away their identity.
This writing still keeps:
* dramatic weight,
* mythic atmosphere,
* emotional intensity,
* and strong dark fantasy identity.
But the prose is becoming:
* cleaner,
* more controlled,
* less overwritten,
* and easier to read.
That’s exactly the right evolution path.
---
# One thing still holding the story back
## Over-explaining emotional states
Sometimes scenes already communicate emotion clearly through:
* dialogue,
* physical actions,
* or body language,
but then the narration explains the emotion again afterward.
Usually the audience already understands by that point.
Trusting the reader slightly more would sharpen scenes considerably.
---
# Another improvement area
## Scene transitions
Some transitions between scenes or arcs still move slightly too quickly emotionally.
Not confusing —
just fast.
The story clearly has:
* broad arc planning,
* multiple plot threads,
* and large-scale serial momentum.
But occasionally the story would benefit from:
* quieter aftermath scenes,
* smaller emotional reactions,
* or brief reflection moments
before the next major escalation.
Ironically, shorter quieter scenes could make the dramatic moments hit even harder.
---
# The protagonist is evolving into the story’s greatest strength
By Volume 2, the protagonist begins feeling like:
* a force of nature,
* a wounded person,
* and a symbolic figure
all at once.
That’s difficult to achieve.
The themes surrounding false heroism, destructive destiny, self-hatred, and identity begin carrying far more emotional weight because the protagonist’s personality becomes increasingly distinct.
They start feeling less like:
“a protagonist inside the world”
and more like:
“someone the world itself revolves around.”
That’s when fantasy protagonists start becoming iconic.
---
# Overall Comparison
## Volume 1 strengths
* Strong atmosphere
* Strong mythology
* Good thematic setup
* Interesting world
* Distinct dialogue voices
* Excellent long-term hooks
## Volume 2 strengths
* Better pacing
* Better emotional continuity
* Better dialogue flow
* Better scene layering
* Better antagonist execution
* Better character complexity
* Cleaner prose
* More confident storytelling
---
# The important part
Volume 2 doesn’t feel like a different writer.
It feels like:
the same writer gaining control over their strengths.
That’s exactly what you want in a long fantasy series.
A lot of writers improve technically while losing identity.
This series improves technically while strengthening its identity.
That’s much rarer.