u/Illustrious-Meal6572

ive gotten into arguments with conservatives, centrists, liberals, and leftists many times before. ive noticed that whenever i argue with a non-leftist they tend to bring up hypocrisy as a point moreso than leftists. this doesnt mean that leftists have nvr done this, but non-leftists seem to do this more. is this the same with ur own experiences? if so, why do u think that is? idk, this is a thought ive had for a while

ik, click-bait title. no, this is not me becoming a conservative, centrist, liberal, etc. i still adhere the leftist ideals, such as anti-capitalism, anti-social hierarchy, and whatnot. its just that... thinking abt all of my past mistakes has made me realize that i dont deserve to call myself a leftist anymore, and that engaging in leftism (reading theory, going on the leftist side of social media, potentially protesting or volunteering, etc) would bring me joy when i deserve accountability. and yes, ik that not engaging in leftism anymore would prevent me from doing good in the world, but not only will the world miss nothing if i dont do any good for it (im just 1 person am i gonna overthrow the us gov or smth like that?) i was probably not gonna do anything more than reading a bit of theory considering my living situation and i dont think that any leftist action i engage in wont offset the mistakes that ive made

however, being a leftist has become a core part of my identity. leftism is smth that is very important to me. if i stop engaging in leftism, id be giving up a large part of who i am as a person. so how do i cope with this?

so there is this website called greatergood.com. u can click on a button for free and itll donate ad revenue. on the website there is a button that u can click to donate to "autism therapy". earlier today i did some research on this, and i found out that the ad revanue goes to autism speaks. ive been donating to autism speaks every day for like the past 2-3 yrs. ive been clicking on that button for the past 2-3 yrs every single day.

im such a disgusting person for doing this... i have the blood of innocent autistic kids on my hands. how can i possibly say that i stand against ableism if i did such a horrible thing?

i dont think that my gender in of itself can be labeled (i dont consider myself a woman, man, neither, etc). gender-presentation wise, ive always leaned feminine and i currently identify as a femme. however, ive identified as transmasc (as a trans man specifically) and been heavily involved with the transmasc community for a significant chunk of my life. ive since developed a deep personal connection with transmasculinity and the transmasc community, and a soft spot for transmasc ppl due to my past experinces with them. ik that many trans men who identified as lesbians before finding out that they were trans men continue identifying as lesbians and spending time in lesbian spaces since lesbianism and the lesbian community have become so important to their identity. however, ive nvr seen ppl identify as transmasc for similar reasons. maybe "culturally transmasc" would be a better label, idk