The last week I have felt like something is off like gut feeling and I’ve been asking him and he’s told me everything is fine but i still had a feeling. This morning i slept really bad and i didn’t feel like going to school so i decided to get coffee and i called him and asked if he wanted any and he said yes.
So i got stuff and came to his house. I got there all happy saying hi and i was asking him about his day and how his night was with his friends and he looked off and i was like are you good? and basically he started talking about how he’s been thinking about our relationship and how it’s stressing him out and he doesn’t know if he can do 5 years long distance; when i told him i was willing to try he told me i wasn’t thinking rationally and realistically.
He also proceeded to tell me that i’ve been lying, manipulating and gaslighting him which i never even realized and i felt awful so i asked like okay what can i do to fix it i didn’t realize i was going that and he told me the issue is i don’t see that im doing it and that i should know how to fix the problem. he kept talking about how he wants to be done to save the pain yk. I was obviously trying not to cry and he was just staring at me blankly.
I asked him bc we had dinner reservations on saturday for our anniversary and what i should do about it and he stared at me and said “go with someone else idk”. I just feel hurt and blindsided and he said he’s been feeling this way for a minute and it’s frustrating bc he said i never put in effort or cared enough.
I stayed with him even though I hate the marines and military. I wrote hours worth of notes and printed pictures to out in his address book so he has stuff to help him get through boot camp before he can get letters. I was with this man when he was homeless for 3 weeks. I even fought my parents to let him sleep here so he wasn’t in the cold. I stayed with him in his bed when he was sick helping him get up and use the toilet and throw up and getting him soup for 8 hours. I remember a few months into us getting together he mentioned the daily bugle lego set once and it was his dream to have it. i bought it for his birthday for $500 before is discontinued. I would make drinks at work for him every night and drive them to his house even when i was running out of gas. I would give him full body massages when i was on my period bc he was working out and in pain. I was there when he was dealing with his mom kicking him outand when his roommates kicked him out. I fist fought my own sister for him but i don’t care.
I’m just frustrated and i go on tiktok and 3 hours after us breaking up he posts a thirst trap??? I just want to be cared for and part of me is waiting for him to message me saying he made a mistake
i feel like an idiot for begging when he doesn’t care