Throwaway Account because I’m ashamed
How do I (20M) stop being so obsessed with the idea of getting a girlfriend. The whole time growing up, having a girlfriend was made such a central and important part of life. My childhood friend got his first girlfriend at 13 and did some playfull jabs at me as time went on and I didn’t get one. Everytime I met with relatives the very first thing everyone asked is wether I’ve gotten a girlfriend and why I haven’t yet and it’s about time and whatever. My mom as well. One thing I still remember quite clearly is that back then I stopped going out and just shut myself inside. Me and my mother got into an argument because of that and she said if I continue I’ll stay without a relationship and without sex my whole life. That comment hit me hard and stayed with me since. Since then I’ve got a lot better, started going out again and all. The me now is Worlds apart from the me in the past, I’ve made so much progress. Yet i still feel so far behind. It’s really messing up my mental health. It’s as if it’s one of the only measurements of how far people my age are. And it’s really messing up my mental health. Everytime I even just think about it or see how couples my age walk around I get so extremely sad and frustrated and even a bit suicidal (that part still can’t get quite get rid of from the past me). And then everytime I think how silly and stupid it is that is get this sad over such a trivial thing. There are people who have it so much worse then me and yet here I am getting suicidal because i can’t get a girlfriend. I know that its another one of those things where i think that as soon as i accomplish life will be all sunshine and completely perfect. I know its not true and i know that it doesn’t determine my worth and that i dont need a relationship to achieve happiness. I know all that and yet it appears to be so internalized that the feeling doesn’t disappear. It just is so stupid and a bit pathetic. Not to mention that I feel bad because it seems like I’m objectifying women that way kind of. I want that obsession gone. I want to be able to live freely and not be controlled by it.
Sorry if it’s written badly, English is not my first language