Moving forward - SSRI or psychedelics?
I’m feeling really stuck and could use some grounded perspectives.
I’ve had a long interest in altered states, but only began exploring them in the last few years. After a PSIP cannabis-assisted session about 3 years ago, I later experienced a spontaneous spiritual awakening that I wasn’t prepared for.
Since then I’ve struggled with integration. I often feel disconnected from myself, sometimes dissociate, and swing between numbness and overwhelm.... most likely becaue I am more aware of it. I’ve recently been diagnosed with ADHD, and emotional regulation (especially anger) has become challenging. Simulants make me feel like a more efficient hamster in a wheel.
I feel a strong pull to understand myself beneath learned patterns, but I also feel unsteady in how to integrate what comes up. Psychedelic experiences sometimes help in the moment, but I struggle significantly afterward when I return to daily life.
Therapy has been mixed, and trust (in others and my own thoughts) has become a real issue. I’ve tried approaches like IFS and schema therapy, but they’ve left me feeling more uncertain rather than clearer.
Right now I’m stuck between two options:
- starting SSRIs (which I’ve been prescribed but feel apprehensive about)
- continuing to explore psychedelics, which I feel drawn to but struggle to integrate
One direction feels like it blocking, the other feels like depth and meaning, but I don’t feel confident in my ability to judge what’s right for me right now.
If anyone has been through something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing what helped you find stability or clarity.