Torn Between Two Places, Parent with Stage 4 Cancer
Last year, my husband and I (39f) moved our family (2 kids, elementary age) to the Midwest to be closer to family after living on the East Coast for 10 years, which we loved. After six months in the Midwest, I felt like we had made a mistake and started talking about moving back to the East Coast. The job opportunities were much less than I thought and I missed the pace of big city life.
At about that same time, my dad (63m) was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, stage 4. His case is very unique and we truly have no idea how much time he has. Some estimates say as little as a year, others say 5+ years. It sounds like it will be a complete roller coaster.
Now, it's been a year since we moved. I feel horrible saying it, but I still miss the East Coast and my old life. I can't fulfill my professional dreams and am afraid I never will. Some days, all I want to do is move back but I feel stuck in the Midwest now because of my dad's cancer. I feel guilty and like a bad person for feeling that way. I also recognize that, if I were to move, I wouldn't see my dad nearly as much, he wouldn't get as much time with my kids, etc. But there's sadness and resentment because of the career I feel is slipping away and the uncertainty of not knowing any sort of timeline and just missing being in a physical place that I love.
I seem to flip flop daily between feeling like I need to live my life and move back and feeling like time is finite and I want to be near my dad for whatever time he has left. My husband was really supportive of moving to the Midwest and my back-and-forth is causing marital stress. I know no one has answers, but has anyone else dealt with this? Even just hearing these feelings are normal is so helpful.