my boyfriend’s job takes him out of state for six months out of the year, so i’m basically on a cycle of three weeks with him and three weeks without him. the emotional ups and downs are starting to wear on me.
we’ve been together for 10 months and i love him - he’s genuinely the sweetest man i’ve ever met. the issue is that when he’s here, our lives completely revolve around each other. then when he leaves, i’m left to a completely independent life that i’m not sure what to do with.
while he’s here, i feel like i neglect my friends because i just want to spend all my time with him while i can. at the same time, i worry that he’s neglecting his friends too. he only gets those three weeks home, and if he spends all of it with me, that’s time he’s not spending with friends and family. then i feel guilty for even thinking about it, because he’s an adult and can make his own choices.
i think the bigger issue is that i’m starting to feel like i’m losing myself in the relationship. but i also feel like if i bring this up, he’ll take it personally and think it’s his fault, which isn’t what i want.
it feels like i’m constantly going from a really high high to a really low low every three weeks, and it’s exhausting. i can truly see a future with him and 100% believe he’s my soulmate, which is why i want to handle this in a healthy way instead of letting it build up.
has anyone dealt with a relationship that has this kind of schedule? how do you maintain your own identity and friendships without feeling like you’re neglecting the relationship? and how would you bring this up without making your partner feel blamed?
TLDR: my boyfriend (27M) is gone half the year and i (25F) am struggling with the emotional highs and lows of our 3-week on/3-week off cycle. looking for advice on staying grounded and maintaining my own identity.