in a relationship and i have borderline.
so i’m together with my bf for 2 years almost, 1 year ago he broke up with me because he was hurting from the false promises i gave him and i kept arguing even when things were unprovoked and stuff .. but we came back together and after that we had some good moments, sure there’s some moments where i get very sad and insecure and i overthink a lot and i do lash out on him.. i just don’t know how to stop this. it feels like when i overthink he is not doing enough and i’m alone sitting there and have to deal with it alone .. i also don’t wanna always be comforted by him it’s also exhausting for him. we do argue like every 2-3 weeks bcs i start something and then the cycle begins again.. we argue for days sometimes too. he wants revenge he says after i hurt him bcs he says he doesn’t know how to make me believe that i am hurting him and that the arguments are unprovoked happening.. and then i get hurt again bcs he wants to take revenge and so on.. and it gets very disgusting.
1 week we had an argument the whole week .. i went home, came back to him after 3 days but the day before we were okay and he said “don’t go” and i’ll miss you and such .. i’m here now at his place and yesterday we also argued bcs on saturday he asked me if i can meet his friend and i was not that happy bcs he knows i get very uncomfortable and i did meet some of his friends before but this time i didnt want to .. and i said to him “yes” on chat and on the train when i went to him i said to him i don’t wanna meet his friend .. he said to me it’s like a betrayal because i said to him before i do wanna meet him. then we argued again and he said im a liar .. and that whenever he wants something i say no. .. it’s not even true. he said to me i should’ve told him before that i dont wanna meet him.. this morning we woke up and he was hugging me not that whole entirely like he usually does but he did hug me .. and then we woke up and he said to me that he has something inside of him that he wants to do today to get revenge because he’s angry of me not always keeping my promises .. and still arguing. and that ticked me off bcs .. he said he wants to move on but wants revenge ?? and now we’ve argued again.. and he went to work and he said he will come home and i should not ask him anything and he said i can touch and cuddle him .. i just don’t know why can’t i change .. i’m trying. it feels like i’m slowly slowly loosing him.