Pmdd makes moving on from breakup really hard.
It’s like, every month my serotonin drops and my brain connects serotonin back to my ex. So even though I’ve been fine for a while all of a sudden I’m back to being fixated, and I miss them. Like if all of a sudden they came back I’d be fine.
My pmdd loves ignoring the fact that my pmdd during the end of the relationship was absolutely unbearable because they’d gone from lovebombing, to consistent, to very inconsistent, and I was absolutely miserable and taking whatever affection from them I could. I started feeling like I was experiencing pmdd all the time because I was so reliant on their attention. I told them how their inconsistency was making me feel and they mentioned something about trying harder for me, but she still broke up with me a week after my pmdd made me cry in front of her for the first time and she said something like “well if you’re crying over nothing, we don’t need to talk about it right?” And just sat and watched me uncomfortably, even though she knew I wanted reassurance and hugs.
It was awful, and the entire time I blamed myself for being so crazy and asking her for a little reassurance during pmdd. I felt like I was pushing her away. I was in denial because I couldn’t understand how such a wonderful girl was making me feel this way, so ofc I had to be the issue.
Why does my pmdd forget all that ?? 🥲 it just feels like it reaches into my brain and finds anything that it can use to torment me, and makes me feel uncontrollably miserable about something I might be able to shrug off at any other time of the month. It pulls up the really happy memories and when she was actually supportive about my pmdd and said it’d never make her leave me. I have no idea if pmdd contributed because she broke up so suddenly and told me I did nothing wrong, but still.
I know I’m so much better off without her, but currently it’s hard to understand that emotionally. At least I know it’s just hormones.??