Final edit: I m home now. The biggest thank you to Ushmulate for the matching mink coat! He was in fact dead. Mia zia was happy to see me even though I kind of guard dogged her away from her own family. Everything went mostly to plan.
Does anyone have any recommendations for a place that would rent or let me borrow a fur coat for a funeral this evening? I have exhausted all of my leads thus far. My family is very dramatic and to not disappoint, I really want to show up looking like a thrice divorced heiress just to make a point cause I’m petty
Edit: I wasn’t expecting the amount of interest this post has gotten today. So I figured I’d share the backstory here. Growing up I was the youngest out of the 3rd generation of relatives in what was once a very large Italian family. Despite the fact that the 3 first generation sisters (my grandmother and two great aunts) were always my favorites, I always had to be the “seen and not heard” child even into my adulthood. Now at 41 with only one great aunt left and my grandmother passing 2 months ago, I plan to go specifically to converse in Italian with my great aunt. Definitely seen. Explicitly heard. As no one else in the family but she and I speak Italian. As for the stiff in the box, he is the son of the other sister who passed before COVID. He was a right old prick his entire life and deserves not a drop of respect or sympathy from me. My wardrobe and who and how I speak to have been meticulously prepared aside from the last minute coat. My intention is to not be disrespectful and cause a scene but rather turn all the heads and leave 2nd generation relatives feeling even less than they made me feel my entire life. A Pettycoat Junction if you will. I can’t wait to roll up in my Blubaru blaring Italian girlie pop tonight as I have been waiting my entire life for this exact moment