My bestfriend/ roommate and I have been friends for almost a decade. I always knew she was an attention seeker and just wrote it off as a part of her personality, but her need for constant validation gives me the ick. It started when she was going through a breakup, and we would talk about her boyfriend from the moment I opened my eyes until I went to sleep. At some point i finally said I'd had enough, but she still couldn't help herself. She wanted to dissect his every move post breakup, and as someone who actively tries to decenter men - it's not something I even do in my own personal life. It didn't help that i was so depressed t this time and thinking of self deletion and I was dealing about that then coming home to dissect why he was liking certain things on instagra.
I was so annoyed by the whole situation until she ditched my birthday plans to see her ex. It was the biggest slap in the face because after months of having to validate her feelings and listen to stuff that made my skin crawl, it felt like she was choosing him over me (Something she knows was a common pattern in my parents' relationship. she has been such a great friend to me, but it just put things into perspective for me, and i lost respect.
I also am an avid grudge holder, but I'm trying to work on forgiving for the sake of our friendship. I don't know if I'm being unfair but now i have such a low tolerance for what feels like constant bids for attention. and validation -- to tell her she isn't fat (she isn't remotely), help her choose every outfit, small request that she can do herself and listen to every bit of drama that's going on in her life(much of it she's built up as dram in her head). I'm such a deeply independent person t and introverted so i get so upset when other people don't know when to give it rest and be a little independent too. How can i forgive this friend without holding all of this aginst them. Is the firendship over.? Am I not giving her enough grace? Should I tell her she’s really annoying? If so, how???? I don't want it to be but i'm worried too much resentment has built up.