Sick of clearly attractive people posting here. The first 4 photos are what I see in the mirror every day. The 5th photo is when I'm wearing a wig. I picked out the ugliest photos in my camera roll but the 6th is probably the most accurate to real life since I just woke up and took it. I have no fucking clue what I actually look like anymore.
I (27F) have a "low libido" husband (28M) and we've been together for 7+ years so this isn't anything new. At the beginning I was a very high libido person with an extensive sexual history, but after being rejected constantly, I sort of lost sexual confidence and stopped trying, thus lowering my libido out of sadness, so we sort of match now and I don't nag him about it. But I still get physically pent up about once a month, so I ask him politely for "duty sex" and he obliges.
I just don't see myself as a sexual being anymore, and he says the same thing about me. He says he respects me too much to see me that way, and he is "disgusted" by sex in principle, seeing it as dehumanizing. I used to think he might have low T, but even after he lost tons of weight and started working out and supplementing thyroid hormone, no changes. He's always been like this, so maybe it's him. But it doesn't help my suspicion that I'm simply too ugly, so that belief persists as long as he refuses to pursue me that way. He's objectively a lot more attractive than me. I'm also insecure when he's around other women because he's very charismatic and flirtatious conversationally and, because he never wants to have sex with me, I don't have the evidence that he finds me more attractive than other women at all.
But I know he likes my personality. I do have evidence of that, because he's selective about who he considers interesting, funny, and smart enough to be close with. And it's not like we don't spend quality time together. Last night we played Satisfactory together for 6+ hours straight and we have sessions like that all the time. We work on coding projects together, we have deep discussions daily, we share a friend group, we share interests and hobbies, I feel involved with him and he definitely cares for me.
I feel like I don't have the right to demand more, but for the past seven years I've had to deal with the background perturbance of knowing I'm too ugly for my husband to want to fuck me. It's a blow to my self-esteem that affects how I comport myself every day. Your immediate reaction might be, "Well, ask him to initiate even if he doesn't feel like it!" but (even if that wasn't extremely disrespectful to him) you don't realize how forced and awkward that would be given how unwilling he is to act out any semblance of desire. He sees it as beneath him. As it stands, the duty sex is embarrassingly dispassionate and short-lived, with him just laying there. We love each other as best friends, but I haven't felt wanted in the entire time we've known eachother and I feel like that's got to be a ticking time bomb of some sort. Whenever I've brought it up in the past he's "won" and had me continue to grin and bear it, and I might be able to indefinitely at this point, as I don't see a resolution in sight. Any insights?