Do I (15F) Stay With My Girlfriend (16F)? WLW
For a while now, I (15F) and my girlfriend (16F) have been having issues. As a preface, I know we're both young and make mistakes — I just need an outsider's view on this, outside of my friends and family.
We've been together for about 5 months now, but just recently (for the past few weeks) we've begun to have issues. Some old things she's said and done have resurfaced and come to my attention, told from our (GF and I's) mutual friends.
For starters, it’s important to mention that we had a brief break up between November and January. We first started dating in September. Apparently, she had been talking shit about me after said break up — which is to be expected, though recently while we were discussing how we felt after the brief breakup, she told me she was “miserable.”
She said a lot during the early stages of our relationship around September and October that I just recently found out about through a mutual friend. Apparently, she found it annoying when I texted and often didn’t want to respond, and she had also been complaining about my ongoing fatigue; which is medical. That really hurt to hear about. Trying not to jump to conclusions, I asked her if it was true, and she admitted to it, saying that she said “a lot of stupid things” when we began dating.
Furthermore, there’s this girl she used to talk to (we’ll call her Stacy) before we got together that goes to a different school than us. Not too long ago, I found out that they still have eachother added on social media, when they supposedly weren’t in contact anymore. I questioned this, asked who she was and got confirmation it was Stacy. Once I found out they were still in contact (they had texted a few times, even while GF and I were together) I was going to leave her house (I had been planning to spend the night) but then she began to cry and beg me not to leave, so I ended up staying and comforting her, even though I was the one hurt. We talked afterwords and she promised to be more upfront with me moving forward (which she, to her credit, has stuck with).
With her newfound honesty, I begun to question more things. She has a history of vaping, drinking, etc…so I was curious about that and asked when was the most recent time she had indulged in any of that type of stuff — that she knows I feel strongly against. It turns out that after we got back together in January, she had vaped and purposefully kept it from me behind my back, which is a very big deal to me. I asked her why she didn’t tell me, and she said it was because “she didn’t want me to be upset.”
She swears that she’s changed and she’ll continue to and I do believe her, but it feels like all of my trust is gone (there was also an incident in the past, before we started dating, that she backstabbed me).
I found a journal entry of mine from November before the break up where I wrote that it felt like we were merely going through the motions, as if our relationship was a facade. Sometimes I still feel like that.
And now, amongst other things, it feels like I’m acting more as a caregiver than a lover or partner. She struggles with eating properly, so I made her cookies and bring her breakfast daily. I don’t mind caring for her, but one day she’s going to have to do it without me and learn how to do it herself.
My friends and family are urging me to break up with her, and I’ve been considering it. I believe that our relationship is taking a toll on me and my mental health.
In all honesty, as bad as I know it is, I think the reason I haven’t broken up with her yet is because I feel like the relationship is a safety net. I don’t have to worry about being lonely or finding another relationship when I’m already in one, if that makes sense. Though, I do want to work this out with her.
Basically: she keeps lying to me and keeping things behind my back, and my trust is dwindling. Is it salvageable?
There’s more details, but this is the gist of it. What do I do? Is it not as serious as I’m making it out to be? Once again, I'm aware we're young and make mistakes, but please share any advice that I'd be advised to follow. Any experience & advice helps, thank you.