I am in my late 40’s now, and this was 20(ish) years ago, but I remember it with perfect clarity, and it sometimes bugs me that I may have been the A-hole…. All names will be changed in the following story:
Back in my community college years, I was part of a really fun trio of girlfriends. We’ll call the other two “Mel” and “Hannah”. We were inseparable, and did everything together. Hannah was a willowy thin girl who danced ballet, and could kick over head. I was also a dancer, and I was also accepted into the school’s hard to get into film program. Mel was short, plump, not in school or working, and really had no idea what she wanted to do with herself. She “managed” the duplex her family owned, which basically meant she lived in one half rent free and collected monthly rent from the people renting the other side. I know that a lot of people in the 18-25 range kind of coast for a while, when they don’t know what they want with their lives and I never judged, but sometimes it felt like Mel resented Hannah and myself for being so active, and having direction.
About 2 years into our friendship, Hannah kind of went off and did her own thing, and we were less close, but Mel and I were still two peas in a pod. She really resented Hannah for pulling away, but I kinda had a “ok cool for you” attitude about it, and we didn’t discuss it much after a while.
As Hannah pulled away, I introduced Mel to a guy from a different friend group of mine that we’ll call “Sam”. The two of them hit it off immediately and started dating, and I was thrilled for them both! It was nice for me to see them flourish as my own relationship at the time was going to crap and (I realize now) making me into a miserable person.
Less than a year after they met, I got accepted into a coveted performing arts program at a school a 3.5 hour drive south of us. Mel acted happy for me, but would change the subject abruptly whenever I talked about how excited I was or preparations for me to move down there.
Mel and I had shared everything for years by this point including clothing and jewelry (she had good taste and a lot of money to burn), and it took us a while to figure out what was who’s as I was packing. Turns out, I ended up with a dress, and a ring of hers. A fact I didn’t realize until after I was unpacking in my new apartment a 3.5 hour drive away. When I told her she was nonchalant about it “Oh no biggie. I can just get them when I come visit you in a few weeks.” Ok sounds good.
Thing is: She never came - and Sam was usually the reason. He was sick. A family member passed. He was pouting about her going (“but I had plans for us” or similar) and she felt she should stay. Our contact slowed down considerably, and eventually stopped completely.
Then out of nowhere, I get a call from Hannah. Turns out, Mel was due to get a big inheritance from a relative (I knew she had an aunt who adored her and was sick), but there had been some legal issues with it, and it ended up that Mel wasn’t going to get as much as she thought. Coincidentally, Sam broke up with her seemingly out of nowhere. Hannah smelled fish and so did I. I put in for a travel weekend, and drove up to be with Mel, and I brought the dress and ring with me.
I’ll never understand why, but she refused to see me or Hannah. Wouldn’t answer my calls or emails. Nothing. (Keep in mind, this was in the late 90’s and texting wasn’t really a thing yet.) I tried for 3 days to get her to talk to me, and even went to her house, but received no response. I’m not going to lie, I was kind of miffed, and I went back to college and left the ball in her court.
The school year ended, and I went to England over the summer as part of a student work abroad program. It was an amazing experience and I brought both the dress and ring with me so she could say that they had been to Europe when I got back. Still, no answers to my emails or postcards I sent. I even called her once FROM LONON and she wouldn’t talk to me.
When I got back, I received the news though a mutual friend that Sam and Mel were getting married! I assumed they had patched up, and I was happy for them. I left her several messages to say congratulations. Crickets. When I ran into the mutual friend again the following week, he called Sam and told me Mel had asked him (the friend) to ask me to give him the dress and the ring back to give to her, and oh by the way, I was not invited to the wedding. It was going to be in Vegas and only “close friends” were invited. Another mutual friend of ours we’ll call “Jamie” was going to be her bridesmaid. I had no idea Mel and Jamie had been close. Probably because Mel hadn’t answered my calls in almost a year.
So, long story….still…kinda long…. I didn’t give back the items. My best friend married a man I introduced to her, and basically told me I’m no longer part of her life by means of exclusion, and with zero explanation. Admittedly, I was bitter. I gave the dress to my college roommate who had always admired it, and I have the ring to this day though I never wear it. I lost contact with everyone concerned many years ago now, and I am happily married and living in another state. I’d give it back if I knew how to find her, but I don’t know how to find her. I don’t even remember Sam’s last name (if I ever knew), of if they’re even still married. And now I can’t help but wonder: AITA?