u/Idle_Gamer555

(TL) Hello I just want to get this off my chest. It's gonna he a long one so buckle up.

I'm 18(f) who's now in my first year of college. When my mother was pregnant she wanted to abort me as she broke up with her boyfriend of that time but my grandmother stopped her and promised her she would raise me and took me to countryside with her and her husband when I was 5.

They enrolled me to school there, living in a 1 room house beside their eldest son who's quite rich. The house had a little electric store they could make a living out of.

I can't remember much because I was little but I was constantly abused. My grandmother would constantly beat me up, scream at me and always tried to micromanage my everything from how I dress to who I friend and my grandfather always ignored it, only making occasional comment when it bothered him but I could always feel him glaring at me quietly.

Since I was a child my grandmother demanded I must be a perfect daughter, perfect grades perfect looks perfect clothes perfect everything. I was expected to be at top of my class and above all "countryside idiots" as she called my classmates. She would judge any friends I made and eventually they all stopped because I was never free to hangout with them and my mother would treat them weirdly when they came over. Even when I was just in first grade she would stab my hands with my pen just for not writing my letters perfectly and would have me stay up will 3-5 am repeatedly rip my notebooks whenever it dissatisfied her and even forced me to competitions I didn't want to go. It continued till I got in 6th grade and went to capital to study and live with my mother.

Life didn't really improve. She (my mother) had already another fatherless daughter and she was too busy for me. I neglected my studies and was always punished for it. (I even ditched school some days) till I eventually got hit by a car and decided to back to countryside.

From then on I refused to study. I was getting beat up almost every day and always got called worst things(by my grandmother).
"Just you see, you'll become a wh0re who'll sell her body" or "you'll regret it when you become a wife of a drunkard and endure his beatings" and even "I wish I left you to be aborted".
I was barely keeping it together till my cousin (My eldest brother's eldest son) sexually harassed me.

It took me few weeks but I eventually told her hoping she would at least come to my defense

All I got was "He was just curious, just forget about it" and "If you have a problem with it talk to his father".

I just cried myself to sleep and never talked about it again. (I tried to get my other family involved but I got "that's just how she is, bear with it will you're 18")

When I graduated high school with decent grades ( I studied my ass off in my 12th grade. I was hoping to get at least one congratulations from my grandmother but she just called my grades pathetic")

I got into the best university in my country but.. I was not really happy (I was hoping to not get accepted) but I thought I could be happy after all now that I'm free from her.. But no.

After Christmas she moved to city to my mother's house (where I was living since they didn't let me live in a dorms) and it all started going downhill. I was doing a waitress in a restaurant where my aunt works as a manager to support my spendings since I knew no one would give me a money. Even university was by taking a loan (though I can't understand why since saving from my childhood would have been more than enough to cover it fully. No one told me even though I kept asking)
She always made weird comments about me working. How about I'm just wasting money and time and getting my aunt involved whenever I complained about work (I was just hoping to make a small talk).
To be honest I admit I was reckless with my spending. Whenever I'm stressed i usually eat spicy foods to cheer myself up, it wasn't a problem till she moved in. Although she stopped hitting me verbal abuse is really hard to deal with. She always nitpicks everything and keeps getting in weird delusion that my mother is trying to kick her out (she's not). Even if she wasn't.. I'm not really comfortable to live with her again.
Since she arrived I gained weight more than ever and now I can't get a rest. Everything is about how I'm fat, unhealthy and disguisting even though I'm not overweight. Every comment is about "Get up every morning early to work out" or "Stop eating so much" and "Do these random and harmful things I saw on internet"
In the end I quit the job since it was hard for me to work normally with my mental health on the floor.

Now I'm home more than often I'm starting to realize how she's acting towards my mother and her daughter. No matter what happens whether small or not whether its directed at her or not she's always going on and on about how "All of you are trying to kick me out"or "All of you want me to die". And she kept trying to hit and emotionally abuse my half sister. Also they (my grandmother and grandfather) are annoyingly in fight almost every time and is having intimate time too often. (He is working on construction even though we told him not to). They have been intimate since I was child and I always kept quiet and cried under my blanket and I don't want to bear it anymore.

Now Its almost summer break I'm gonna work my ass off in whatever job I can find and move out without telling anyone as soon as I have enough to pay for 3-4 months of room renting. And I'll quit my university (I honestly can't handle it)

But now I decided on it I wonder if I'm acting too rashly. Whenever something is wrong it hurts my heart to see her worry knowing I'll cut off contact with her soon with no words.

Please tell me your opinion on this, I know all of this sounds ridiculous but I promise it's real. And please give me advices.

(Ignore all the mistakes I made in this post)