u/Idk4594

Me and my girlfriend whom I live with and have a 1 year old daughter fight constantly about the same things. It is a complex situation and we argue about lots of things weather it be finances,sex,parental disagreements, or even stupid stuff that doesn't matter you name it. On top of this we both have issues but I have anger issues and abuse drugs and alcohol sometimes and hide it from my family. I feel defeated and disconnected from my girlfriend because we can argue about something we fought about years ago and it still hasn't been resolved. So now I feel like there is no point and I shut down the arguments or just leave because I have nothing to say and I feel like words are meaningless to me if we arent taking any action. I feel like a failure as a leader of the house and a father. I want to be able to guide my family to success but I dont seem to be able to get that part right. I have a good job and we are lucky to have what we have being in our 20s with no education but I also feel like i will never get ahead because of her credit card debt that she had before I met her. I feel like my girlfriend interprets my frustration with some of these things as a direct attack on her and her character and yes I can be a totally mean asshole but idk. I am scared that when my daughter gets older and starts to remember things for the rest of her life that we will be a bad example and bad parents. How do I turn my life around. I feel like we are on a downward spiral and irreparable damage is done every time we fight we grow more resentful of eachother. Im ranting at this point and the complexity of the situation is hard for me to put into words but I just need help. On top of this i work insane hours and side work every single day to make sure we are going to be ok and I am burnt out. It sucks working so hard and sacrificing so much to finance what seems like a failing relationship. I am horrible about communicating what's going on inside my head to her without coming off as an attack. And not to sound like a victim or a little bitch but I think im fucked up in the head a little from childhood trauma and I have never truly opened up aboht it all and I dont even think about my childhood as I have blocked it out. People tell me I need to open up and work through these things because they are probably a contributing factor to these issues but I feel like I am not ready as some of the stuff really bothers me and wasnt that long ago. (Im 22 yrs old) and I lose control of my emotions when i try. Idk i keep ranting god help me.