u/Icy_Sport2597

Once upon a happiness
I knew two faces.

There was a time
I had my comfort
a time when their tears
were just another reason
to hold them closer.

Those moments felt
like forever.

And just like that,
it all disappeared.

These days
I try finding purpose
in their absence,
measuring what’s left of me
without them.

I can’t even walk through
a grocery store
without someone else’s kids
reminding me
how lonely my arms are
without mine.

Sometimes I close my eyes
and try my hardest
to imagine holding them.

But I’m afraid maybe
the last time I held them
was the last time
I ever will.

I like to believe
that when they sleep,
I get to walk beside them,
hold their hands,
be their dad again.

I just hope
they remember me that way
when the dream ends
and they wake up
and find I’m still
not there.

People need watches
that cost more than rent.
People need diamonds
without knowing where they came from.

People need first-class flights
for trips to Cabo,
and brunches on yachts.

People need status
to feel seen.
People need money
to feel important.

People need strangers’ envy
that they can call hate.

People need applause.
People need followers.
The likes on Facebook
and upvotes on Reddit.

People need parties.
People need drugs,
smoke in their lungs
and liquor in their blood.

People need fathers
to protect them.
People need mothers
to hold them close
and kiss them goodnight.

People need someone to love,
someone to hate.

People need people.
So do I.

But the people I need most
are the tiny little versions of me.

They say
if you love somebody
you let them go.

As if happiness needs distance
from the ones you love.

Have you ever had children?

Would you let them go?

And I don’t mean
let them grow up.

Let them become someone.

Let them find love itself.

I mean could you teach your heart at its core
to stop reaching for them,
so they could smile without you.

No.

That’s not how love works.

Love does not practice goodbye
until it numbs into resignation.

Love keeps vigil.

Love stands guard.

Love bleeds.

And maybe that is its paroxysm.

It’s strange how life waits
for the exact moment
you finally find comfort in it

just to shit in your cereal.

There was a time
everything felt like forever
before it all went missing.

Now it feels like
I measure my purpose
in their absence.

I can’t even walk through
a grocery store.
without someone else’s kids
reminding me I don’t have mine.

It haunts me to think
that maybe the last time
I actually held them

was the last time
I ever will.

I like to believe
that when they sleep,
I get to walk beside them,
hold their hands,
be their dad again.

I just hope
they remember me that way
when the dream ends.