u/Icy_Carpet_5051

I need an outside opinion on this.

For context, someone in my friend group (all 19F) sent screenshots of another girl’s Instagram stories. They went on to say she didn’t really fit the new look she was trying out and then started discussing her features further.

I was immediately thrown off and pointed out that they were being inconsiderate, and asked how they would feel if they were the subject of that kind of conversation, might have used some profanity. I was already upset at that point, so before leaving the group chat, I made a comment about how I sometimes find it impossible to keep my cool around them anymore.

The reason I reacted strongly is because I've noticing a pattern of them making passive aggressive comments about other's appearances, including jokes about people’s weight or other rude remarks. I’ve already expressed multiple times that this kind of behavior makes me uncomfortable, so this incident ended up becoming the point where all that frustration built up.

Not a while after, one of my friends DM’d me saying they felt like I unfairly judged them, assumed bad intentions immediately, and didn’t give them a chance to explain themselves by leaving right away. She also told me that the girl involved didn’t feel offended by the comments.

I’ll admit that I didn’t know beforehand that the girl was okay with it. At the same time, part of why this still bothers me is because I honestly don’t know if I can believe that reasoning, mainly because of the repeated behavior I’ve already noticed. And even beyond this specific situation, I keep thinking: if the person wasn't okay with it, then what?

Where I think I might be overreacting is that I may have projected my frustration with the group’s overall behavior onto this specific situation. The girl being discussed is apparently their friend, and they said they only shared her stories because they already knew she would’ve been okay with it. So I might’ve been too harsh and jumped to the conclusion.

Am I overreacting?