u/IcyTrip7499

I miss you , I’m sorry for losing sight of what I had loved which was always you. It was always you. All those disgusting monstrous things that I did and said without any thought of you. Everyday that I wake up and go to bed I’m flushed with all of our memories that we made together and to not be able to create more hurts me very deeply. I didn’t realize and process every single emotion but as so much time has passed I can’t help but realize that everything I had ever asked for in life the perfect person, the one who would love me for me and saw the little boy who had always wanted that love handed to him. I didn’t realize that my actions really were not proving my love for you. I got lost in my egotistical narcissistic ways to realize what I was throwing away. For you to feel as if the person you loved the most was never real really stabs me in the heart but not because of how you feel but because I’m the reason you feel that way. Sitting in silence sometimes on our hours long car rides just feeling the love we had for each other without having the need to say a single word. I can say sorry effortlessly but none of that can ever turn back time and fix things. I didn’t know how much your love would impact me even until after all this time. As much as I am upset that I lost you I’m also thankful but for the reason that with my time alone I got to sit with my thoughts and process everything and get to really understand that I could love someone that much to want to work on my perspective of things. It’s selfish to say that but if it wasn’t for any of this any of your time I wouldn’t be able to realize and really feel what true love is. When we were together I had so much pride and I never put it down but now I realize when it comes to you I’ll put my pride aside over anything if I had the opportunity to get on my knees to beg for your forgiveness id take it in a instant to give you all my love and more I should’ve given in the first place.