Ive been so depressed lately, and have no motivation, I hate my school, literally most of the people in my class dont like me or just say im weird even tho I haven't spoken to them, im anti social and have social anxiety because of past experiences in my childhood, i thought this time would be different but its not, I got my first boyfriend and the relationship was so toxic, he just wanted sex, and he did some stuff that still haunt me ( I didnt do it with him but we did so some stuff) im basically scared and I can still feel like his hands are touching still, we broke up last year, I have this best friend, and everyone likes her, every guy basically has a crush on her everyone wants to be her friend, at first it was fine but then she basically started bragging about it to me and it got annoying and just tiring, im so tired, whats worse my ex has been flirting with her and she keeps being like oh I think he likes me and smiling while saying it to, before this I used to say it to, cause he used to do somethings that made it seem like it and literally one of my friends heard him say that if he was given the chance would take it with her, today we were just chilling with some mutual friends, and some topic about stealing away girl from their bfs came up and he was saying how he basically wants this girl and how he doesnt care cause he isnt close with her boyfriend and so and so, and everyone who he was talking about.
Im really hurt rn, school has been so tiresome, I hate it, worse ive grown jealously and hatred against my best friend cause tbh it seems like she is attention seeking or just making me look bad most of the time, words cant describe how much I hate her and how sad I am, I really thought he kinda liked me, I was just hoping that maybe, but no, I hate hearing her name, i hating seeing her face, I hate hearing her name.
Ik I sound salty and what not, ik but I cant stand it anymore im tired, I feel like the ugly best friend, and tbh maybe I am, I just wanna leave this place, my whole life I've been a loser, I just want it to stop.
I just need advice, not " Your beautiful dont say that." It's sweet and nice, but it doesn't help, I want some genuine advice, just something to help is all.